Sliding Doors
by Jo7
Summary: COMPLETE. What happens if Abby gets on the El, or if she doesn't get on the El? Based on the premise of the movie 'Sliding Doors'. Carby!
1. Chapter 1

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Title: Sliding Doors.

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Rating: PG

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Spoilers: Absolutely none! You're completely safe! :-D

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Summary: Using the basic premise of the film "Sliding Doors" staring Gwyneth Paltrow. What happens if Abby gets on the El, and what happens if she doesn't? First part of a series.

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Author's Note: I absolutely love the film sliding doors. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you go and rent it or something! And if you've already seen it, do that anyway because you should watch again. Anyway, it occurred to me while watching it recently that I could use the idea for an ER fic. And thus this was born! I really hope I do Sliding Doors justice. Only problem I came across is how to distinguish between the two different Abby's. In the film, one Helen has long hair, and the other has hers cut short. But I couldn't exactly do that! So I've used normal type for one, and italics for the other. I hope that's easy enough to distinguish. Anyway, I'll leave you to read now, and please let me know what you think!

***

"What's going on Abby?" he demanded angrily.

"There's just…I can't carry on like this."

"Like what? I don't understand why you don't want to be with me anymore."

"I just…I can't. It will all end in tears, and then we'll blame each other."

"Isn't it all ending in tears now?" She bowed her head slightly, attempting to rid the beginnings of tears from her eyes. After a moment she looked back up at him.

"Do you see me crying?"

"No." He shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry John. I…I had fun." She smiled sadly at him, before turning and walking straight out the door of his apartment. As soon as she was down the stairs, away from him, she stopped her attempts to keep the tears at bay, and let them fall freely down her cheeks. She hated herself for doing this to him. She hated herself for doing it to her. But she knew it would be better in the long run. They'd both be hurt if she didn't end it before they got too serious, before they fell in love. The only problem was, it was serious, and she was already in love with him.

But this was all for the best. However much it hurt her to leave him, she was doing what was best for him, what would make him the happiest. Now he could have a nice, pretty little wife who would give him nice little children with no stupid genes. And they'd live happily ever after. And she wouldn't screw anybody else's life up.

Right now, she had to forget about him, and just focus on work. She had a long shift ahead of her: hopefully that would help to take her mind off of everything that had just happened. Hopefully it would take her mind off the end of the best year of her life. She wiped angrily at the tears in her eyes as she made her way to the El station to catch a train to work.

As she made her way up the stairs to the platform, she could see a train pulling in. She ran up the stairs, pushing her way through the crowd, and just managed to squeeze through the closing doors onto the train.

"Close one there dear," an old lady sitting just by the door remarked.

"Yeah." She gave the woman a watery smile. "My boss would kill me."

***

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Abby ran up the stairs to the platform, pushing her way through the crowd. A little girl in front of her dropped her doll in the middle of a step, and leant down to pick it up, blocking Abby's path. "Excuse me!" she exclaimed, trying to squeeze past.

"Sorry," the little girl said, looking up at her. "I just dropped my dolly." She held the doll up to Abby's face, smiling at her. Abby attempted to smile back, before finally being able to make her way past. She ran across the platform, and reached the train door just as it shut.

"Argh!" she screamed, turning around and making her way to the back of the platform where there was an empty space on a bench. This was so typical. The world was against her, just trying its best to make the worst day of her life even worse.

"Attention,"_ a voice came over the tanoy. _"There will be extended delays on all trains on this line, due to an accident. Repeat, extended delays on this line, please find alternative transport." _Right, this was perfect. Abby sighed angrily, before pulling herself off the bench and making her way back down the stairs. Seeing the massive queue at the taxi rank she decided to walk along the road for a while and see if she could flag one down._

As she walked along the road, she began to get the feeling that she was being followed. Don't look behind, she told herself. Just keep walking and you'll get a taxi in just a moment. Just as she was telling herself not to worry, she felt someone tugging at her purse. She whirled around to face them, holding onto the purse fiercely. "Give me the purse woman," the man demanded, to which she pulled it closer to her. "You fool." He pushed her angrily into the wall behind, hitting her head hard against it. As she slumped down onto the sidewalk he grabbed her purse and ran, leaving her unconscious.

***

"Can we not have a minute's peace in this place?" Abby exclaimed angrily, picking up another chart from the pile.

"Not likely," Susan laughed, coming to stand next to her. "I knew I should have become an air stewardess or something."

"No, seriously. I mean look at this stuff. The things people come in for are ridiculous. Sore throat, bad headache, 'I missed my period', a finger lac which looks like a paper cut. What's wrong with these people?"

"Wow, you're having a really bad day, huh?"

"That doesn't even begin to describe it."

"Just stupid patients? Or something else?" Susan enquired.

"Ah the usual." She shrugged. "And I split up with Carter."

"You _what_?!" She could feel Susan's eyes staring at her, waiting for an explanation. "Why?"

"It's complicated." She turned and started away from the desk. "I'd rather not talk about it, I'm going to go and put Mr. Bosworth's IV in."

***

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"Abby. Abby." Abby groaned at the sound of Susan's voice, and slowly forced her eyes open. She stared up at the bright light on the ceiling, wondering where she was. "Abby?" She turned her head to the side, where her friend was stood.

"Susan? What's going on…where am I?"

"You're at County. You were found unconscious on the sidewalk. Do you remember?" She groaned, remembering the mugger, and her unwillingness to let him have her purse.

"Yeah, I was mugged. Am I okay?"

"Few cuts and bruises, you'll live." Susan smiled at her. "You're not going to get away from us that easily." As her friend laughed, Abby attempted to return the smile. "I called Carter, he's outside."

"We broke up."

"I know, he told me. But he's worried Abby. He wants to see you. Can I let him in?" Abby closed her eyes, trying to focus her energy on this for one moment. Should she let him in? Surely she'd be causing him more pain by letting him back in for a moment. But she wanted him to be there for her, she needed him. She opened her eyes and nodded at Susan, who smiled before turning and leaving the room.

While she waited for him, she turned her attention back to the ceiling, staring at the bland ceiling tiles. What would you do if you were stuck here on a backboard, having to stare at the ceiling for ages? She thought she would probably go insane, there was absolutely nothing interesting to look at.

"Hey." Her thoughts were interrupted by him entering, and she looked over towards the doorway to see him standing there, looking as if he wasn't sure whether to come in or not.

"Hi," she responded, giving him a weak smile. He took that as his signal that he was allowed in, and approached the bed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a few scrapes, nothing that can't be cured." He looked her up and down nervously, checking for anything that obviously differed from her word, before gently picking up and hand and holding it gently in his.

"Abby, I was so worried about you. When they rang me and said you'd been brought in here I thought you were going to die."

"You can't get rid of me that easily," she attempted to joke, but it fell deaf to his ears and he watched her with a pained expression on his face.

"What happened this morning?"

"I was mugged."

"No, I mean at home. Because I don't know what happened. I love you so much, and I thought you loved me too. So why did you want to leave?"

"It wasn't working, and I…" she trailed off as she saw the pained expression on his face. What was she doing to him? "I'm so sorry," she whispered, feeling the tears start. What was with these emotions, she didn't normally let anyone see her cry! "I was so stupid. I ended it so I didn't hurt you. I thought it would be easier to end it before we fell in love, so it wouldn't be hard when everything fell apart. But I guess I did it too late, because we're already in love, aren't we?" He nodded at her, and she could see that tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. She squeezed his hand tighter, and managed to smile at him slightly. "Can you forgive me?"

***

"Hey Abby!" Susan called, running to catch up with her friend as she left the ER. When she reached her she fell into step next to her, continuing with her on her route to the El station. "Do you want to go out and do something tonight?"

"I don't really feel like it, to be honest."

"Ah, come on." Susan linked arms with her, and began to steer her towards the stairs to get the El in the opposite direction. "We'll have fun."

"No Susan." Abby pulled away, returning to her previous route. "I'm not in the mood."

"That's why we're going out, so I can cheer you up."

"No!" She whirled around and stared at her friend angrily. "Can't you just take no for an answer? I want to go home and be on my own. I don't want to be cheered up, and I definitely don't want to go out." Turning back around, she stormed off angrily, leaving Susan standing alone, staring after her.

She didn't stop her determined path until she was safely sat on an El train, headed back towards her apartment. She was mad at herself. What had she done now? Not only had she split up with the only man she'd ever loved, she'd also probably just lost her best friend. Talk about a terrible day. All she wanted to do was kick something. Or hit someone, maybe. Look around for any options she sighed at the stupidity of it. All this was her fault, it wasn't anyone or anything else's fault. What was the point in blaming others and beating them up over it? It was all her fault.

The train pulled into her station, and she quickly exited, hoping no one had seen her looking at them as if she wanted to kill them. As she walked back home she passed the convenience store, not even looking towards it as she made her way along the road. When she was just past she stopped and paused. What was stopping her now? Certainly not Carter. And Susan probably didn't care much either now.

Without a moment's more hesitation she turned and made her way back towards the convenience store, and then straight to the back where she knew the alcohol would be kept. She found herself stood in front of a tower of shelving full of bottles of vodka, whisky, rum, gin. Looking them up and down she suddenly felt more relaxed than she had the whole of the rest of the day. The only thing she had to do now was to decide what to have. Her eyes took in the array of bottles, and after a moment's thought she grabbed a bottle of Stolichnaya vodka. No one does it like the Russians, she mused to herself, before laughing slightly.

She turned away from the shelves, and made her way back through the store, picking up random items on the way so as not to look strange just buying a bottle of vodka. She smiled politely at the cashier, putting up with her incessant chattering about nothing in particular. She packed her shopping into a bag and paid without a blink of the eye. And then she casually strode out of the store, clasping the bag that held her release from all of this, at least for tonight. She smiled to herself, and as soon as she was out of sight of the store she picked up her pace, eager to make it back to her apartment as soon as possible.

Once there, she set the bag down on her kitchen table, and looked at it intently, smiling at it as if it were her friend. It was her friend. Her only friend. She began to pull the items she'd bought out of the bag, in an attempt to reach her friend Stolichnaya. A bag of economy carrots. A packet of batteries. Two chicken breasts. A bag of salt and vinegar crisps. A box of Quality Street chocolates. A Star Wars video. And some hair spray stuff. But none of that mattered, she hadn't even realised she'd bought half of it. It was all pushed aside as she pulled the bottle of Stolichnaya out of the bag, and placed it on the table.

"Long time no see, old friend." She reached out a hand, and clasped it around the bottle. All of a sudden she felt a wave of guilt. She'd fought so hard to stay away from this stuff, and now she was turning to it so easily. What had happened to her? She had been so strong, so sure she wouldn't turn back to alcohol. The bottle of vodka stared at her, and she stared back, still keeping her hand firmly clasped around it. But this wasn't just alcohol. This was an old friend. Her only friend. Good old Stolichnaya.

***

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"Okay, you're free to go," Susan said, smiling at her friend as she signed the discharge papers. "You are under strict orders to rest for at least the next twenty four hours, understood? And don't you dare play the 'I have to work' card: your wonderful doctor has already sorted the day off for you." She winked, and Abby laughed slightly.

"Thank you Susan." She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and stood down on the floor, stumbling slightly as she caught her balance.

"Woah, careful," she heard, as a pair of strong arms reached around her, holding her up. "You've already got enough bruises for one day." She couldn't help grinning as she felt his arms around her, and heard his voice joking. It was a terrible thought, to think that if things had gone differently this morning she might still be without him now. She didn't know what she would be doing, but it certainly wouldn't be anything pleasant, or good for her.

"And you take care of her, mister," Susan instructed, her attention on Carter now. "The lady's got to be waited on hand and foot."

"It's just a few scrapes, I'll be fine!" Abby protested, leaning back against Carter.

"Okay, I'm taking you back up to CT Miss Lockhart, I think you hit your head harder than you thought," Susan joked. "No woman turns down the chance to be pampered."

"Don't worry Susan, leave it to me. I won't let her lift a finger." He kissed Abby gently on the top of her head, before loosening his arms from around her, leaving just one draped around her back, holding her protectively towards him so that they could walk together. "Come on you, let's get home."

He walked her out of the ER, both leaning contentedly towards each other, and helped her into the jeep when they reached the parking lot. Driving back through the city there was a contended silence in the car, both just happy to be in each other's company.

"John…" Abby said, breaking the silence after a while. "I'm so sorry about this morning. I was so stupid, I'm really…"

"Abby, you don't have to apologise again, it's fine. We're both here now, together, and that's what matters." He reached a hand across and squeezed her hand gently, before returning his to the steering wheel. She nodded contentedly, and then let the silence fall back over the car again.

He eventually pulled into the parking area outside his apartment block, and turned to look at her. "Are you okay?" She nodded, smiling at him. "Good." He stepped out of the car, and went around to the passenger side to help her out.

"I don't need help you know, I really am fine," she protested, as he took her hand and helped her out.

"I know, but I love you and I want to do something for you. Can you cope with that?" She couldn't help the grin that spread across her face at his words, and she nodded at him just to confirm that it was fine.

"I love you too." He returned the smile, and then began to walk towards the apartment building, his arms wrapped around her once again. "I could get used to this, you know," she mused as they exited the elevator on his floor, and made their way into the apartment.

"Don't expect it too often," he laughed, making sure she was safely sat on the sofa before he let go of her to go into the kitchen to make drinks. "Do you want coffee?"

"Please." He busied himself in the kitchen, making up two mugs of coffee, all the time listening keenly to make sure she was okay. "John?" he heard her call after a while.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I was just wondering…what's this video? 'John's 21st'?" He cringed, wondering why that video was lying around the apartment.

"Exactly what it says. My 21st birthday party. What's that doing lying around anyway?"

"It's not. I was just looking at your video shelf." He walked back into the living area with two mugs of coffee, to find her sat on the floor next to the video rack, surrounded by videos.

"What are you up to?" he asked, barely able to contain a laugh.

"I thought we could watch a movie. I was trying to pick, and I came across this." She waved the video in front of his face. "Come on, let's watch."

"My 21st birthday video?"

"Yeah, why not?" She pulled herself up off the floor, and made her way towards the VCR.

"It's really nothing exciting. Not much of a birthday party really, it was more like an excuse for my parents to have a cocktail party." Abby shrugged, and pushed the video in, before returning to sit on the sofa. He joined her, pulling her back against his chest and wrapping his arms around her. "You're meant to be resting, anyway."

"Getting a video isn't strenuous." She hit play on the remote. "Who's that?!"

"That was one of Gamma's friends."

"She must be like 80!"

"More like 90," he laughed. "I told you it was more for my family than for me."

"No, I can see…woah! She's hot! And definitely not 90." He laughed, blushing slightly.

"Yeah, that's Marianna Dalton. She was the mayor's daughter, my parents wanted me to marry her."

"Well, she's not too bad looking. You would have had cute kids."

"Yeah, I think that was about all she would have been good for. Probably the dumbest woman I ever met." They both laughed, and Abby's laughter only increased at the next shot.

"Is that you?! Oh my goodness!" She shrieked with laughter.

"It's not that funny Abby…"

"Oh yes it is!" she continued to laugh at the image of a young Carter waving to whoever was behind the camera. "You look so young and uncomfortable. And cute! I never knew you were such an adorable little kid."

"Abby, I wasn't a kid, I was 21."

"But you look so cute!" she exclaimed, the laughs finally subsiding.

"You know, I should chuck you out now for being rude."

"I'm not being rude. It was a compliment. And you're still cute…just in a different way." He sighed, before laughing himself. "Okay, I've seen all I need to see now," she laughed, pressing the stop button on the remote. She turned slightly in his arms, so that she could look at him. "So, why didn't you marry Marianna Dalton?"

"I told you, she was so dumb it was unbelievable. She was one of those people who give blondes their dumb reputation. And I was at a rebellious stage. I didn't want to do anything my parents would like. Med school, girlfriends, all of that annoyed them."

"Still a rebellious teenager at 21, huh?"

"You could say that," he laughed slightly. "But most of all, I didn't love her. And I couldn't marry someone I didn't love."

"You've got more willpower than me."

"Huh?"

"Richard. I don't think I ever really loved him…it was more an attraction than love. And a fear of being alone, I suppose."

"Are you still afraid of being alone?"

"No." She hesitated. "Well, yes, but in a different way. I'm not afraid of being on my own, I've proved to myself that I can manage. But I'm afraid of being without you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Me either." He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "For a while this morning I thought I'd have to find out."

"I was so stupid this morning, John. I know you told me not to apologise, but I am so sorry. You know, I keep wondering what would have happened if things had gone differently today. What if I had managed to catch the El? I wouldn't have been walking along the road, I wouldn't have been mugged, and then I might still be saying that being apart was best for both of us."

"Don't worry about that, it didn't happen. What didn't happen doesn't matter, does it?" She smiled at him, and nodded.

"I know. You're so right. I just can't help picturing myself sat at home right now with a bottle of Stolichnaya or San Jose. I'm so glad that's not me. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

***


	2. Chapter 2

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Author's Note: So here's chapter 2! Thanks for the reviews for chapter 1, I really appreciate it. You guys rock. :-D And to those of you who asked questions in your reviews, a lot will be revealed nearer the end! Anyway, just incase anyone didn't get it by now, I've dubbed the normal type Abby as AngstyAbby, and the italic type Abby as FuzzyAbby. Just thought I'd share that piece of useless information. ;) Anyway, read on and I hope you enjoy. :) Jo xx

"I need labs back on the patient in curtain four asap, can you start a banana bag for Mrs. Howard in curtain three, and can you check the car crash kid's stats every five minutes," Susan instructed, passing a pile of charts to Abby.

"Yeah." She took them, and placed them on the admit desk in front of her.

"Abby? Did you even hear a word I said?" Abby lifted her head to look at her friend and nodded, immediately regretting the quick movement when she began to feel slightly nauseated.

"Yes, I did," she managed to say, ignoring the throbbing in her head and the churning feeling in her stomach. "You want labs on Mrs. Howard in five minutes, a banana bag asap for crash kid, and stats in curtain four."

"Are you okay?"

"Just fine." She suddenly felt an overwhelming need to throw up. "Write it down, I have to go." She turned and rushed towards the bathroom, not checking to make sure Susan had heard her. As soon as she was there she ran into a stall and violently hurled the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She sat back against the wall, the door of the stall swinging open.

"Abby?" She groaned and closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to look at the woman who she knew was staring at her.

"What do you want Susan?" Still she didn't look at her.

"I wanted to make sure you're okay. Which obviously you're not. You should take the day off."

"I'm fine," she snapped.

"You just threw up, you're obviously not. Look Abby, you're never ill, just go home and get some rest and you'll be better soon enough, and back to work."

"I'm not ill," she demanded, looking up at Susan now, her eyes blazing.

"Are you pregnant?"

"No! Don't be so stupid." She rolled her eyes, before pulling herself up from her crouching position on the floor and flushing the toilet.

"Then you must be ill."

"No, Susan. I am not ill!" she shouted, staring angrily at Susan now. "You want to know what's up? I've got a hangover. And do you want to know why? Because on my way home last night I bought a bottle of vodka, and I sat alone in my apartment and drank it. Until I was too drunk to drink anymore. And then, I lay on the floor of my apartment unconscious for half the night, before waking up in the early hours of this morning and not being able to make it to the bathroom before puking up everywhere. Happy now?"

***

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"Good morning, sleepy head." Abby was awoken to the sound of Carter's voice, followed by a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose.

"That tickles," she mumbled in her half awake state.

"Oh yeah?" He kissed her nose again, and then again, and then again. She giggled, and flapped him away with her arms, to which he responded with a laugh. "Don't hit me, I love you."

"Hmm, love you too." She slowly opened her eyes and smiled up at him. "But that tickled."

"Yeah, well it got you awake didn't it?"

"That's cruel!" she laughed, swatting his arm playfully. "Anyway, I thought I was supposed to be resting. You shouldn't be waking me up."

"I know, but it's nearly 11:30, and I guessed you would want to get up."

"I guess I should." She placed her hands in his, and allowed him to pull her into an upright position. "But it's so nice here."

"I made you scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast."

"You didn't?"

"When did I ever lie to you?"

"Could I have it in bed?" She smiled coyly at him, trying her best persuasion techniques. It didn't take much.

"I'll be right back." He released her hands, and sprung off the bed, coming back moments later with a plate of egg and bacon. "Your breakfast is served, Madame." Lifting the fork she took a bite, and grinned at him to show her gratitude.

"This is good. You make it better than me."

"It's cooking, anyone makes it better than you!" he joked, stealing a bit of bacon.

"Hey! Don't be so rude."

"Sometimes the truth hurts."

"Okay, that does it." She pilled some scrambled egg onto the fork, and catapulted it across the bed at him.

"Abigail Lockhart!" he exclaimed, a shocked expression on his face. "You will regret that move." He gathered up a few bits of the egg that had fallen around him and threw them back at her. In the minutes that followed, not very much egg was eaten, and a lot was distributed around the bedroom. Eventually, Abby fell backwards onto the bed and sighed happily.

"That was fun."

"Yup," he agreed, joining her lying on the bed.

"It's going to be terrible to clean up though."

"Oh well, it was worth it for a laugh." They both turned their heads sideways to look at each other, and grinned happily. "Abby?"

"Hmm?"

"I would quite happily do that every morning for the rest of my life."

"Might get a bit sick of cleaning," she joked.

"I don't mean that exactly, I mean…will you marry me?" Silence. "Abby?"

"John, I love you go much, do you even have ask?"

"Yesterday you were breaking up with me because you didn't want to hurt me."

"John, that was supposed to be my way of saying yes."

***

"Can we talk, Abby?" She looked up to see Carter standing next to her at admit.

"No," she responded firmly, looking back down at the chart.

"Abby, please. I just need to understand why all this happened."

"Then you're dumber than I thought."

"You look terrible Abby…are you sure you're okay?"

"Wow, thanks Carter, great compliment," she said bitterly, looking up at him again. "Have you been talking to Susan? You should keep your nose out, you have no right to know anything about me anymore."

"Talking to Susan? What? No!" She could see he looked hurt and confused, and for a moment felt a pang of guilt at what she'd done to him. But then she remembered that this was all for the best, and she set her mind on making sure he knew that too. It was essential that she make sure he didn't want to be near her again.

"Okay, you want to talk? Fine, let's talk. Come on." She turned as quickly as her pounding head would allow and stormed to the doctor's lounge, where he joined her moments later. "Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"I want to know why you left yesterday. And why you look like you're about to throw up this morning."

"You want to know why? You want to know more than I explained to you? Okay, I'll tell you the truth." This was it. The moment when she could push him away for good. Bye bye Carter, was nice knowing you, I hope you have a good life. "I left you because I've been cheating on you for the last six months. Not only that, but I've been secretly drinking behind your back. A month ago, I aborted your child. Last night I drank copious amounts of vodka, and passed out in my living room. Disgusted in me? I thought so. Aren't you so glad I left and saved you the hassle of throwing me out."

"Abby, I…"

"You think you can say something to make me feel better about myself? Don't bother. I expect you to hate me, don't worry. I'll just keep out of your way and let you get on with your life, okay?" He nodded, a dazed expression on his face, before turning and rushing out the door.

Staring after his retreating form she sank down into the sofa and let tears begin to fall down her cheeks. Lies. All of it lies. _"Okay, I'll tell you the truth."_ What a load of rubbish. Apart from last night's vodka, she hadn't spoken a word of truth. The thought of aborting another baby made her feel sick, let alone _his _baby. And she couldn't imagine cheating on him. She couldn't imagine now how she could even see another man again without feeling like she was cheating on him. "Way to go Abby, you've ruined your life," she muttered to herself. The only small comfort was the fact that she had just changed his too, and she knew he could be infinitely happier now.

***

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"John, don't you have a shift this afternoon?" Abby asked as she exited the bedroom having taken a shower and got dressed.

"Took the afternoon off," he explained, looking up from the journal he was reading. "Said I had to take care of a family member."

"Family member, huh? Well, you're close, but a bit too early," she teased, approaching the table where he was sat and looking over his shoulder. "Ooh, hip replacements, exciting."

"Yeah, it's thrilling stuff." He winked at her.

"So you took the afternoon off work to look after me, and you're spending it reading about hip replacements. Wow, I'm flattered."

"Ha, you're funny." He closed the journal and hit her playfully on the arm with it. "My wife might need one when she's old and frail."

"Old and frail? Ha! I refuse to ever be old and frail. Did you change your mind and decide to marry Marianna Dalton or something?"

"Yeah, didn't I tell you about that?"

"Small detail you missed out. So, what do you want to do today?"

"You're meant to be resting."

"I know, but I feel fine, and I'll get bored cooped up in the apartment."

"I'm planning to be married to you for a long time, it doesn't bode well if you get bored just being in the apartment with me for a few hours."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"Hey, I got an idea!" he exclaimed, grinning at her.

"Hmm?"

"Let's go buy you an engagement ring."

"Really?!"

"Do you think I'd make that up? Come on, get your coat." In seconds he had shoved his feet in a pair of shoes, pulled a coat on, and was standing by the door to the apartment waiting for her. "Hurry up slow coach!"

"Okay, I'm coming," she responded, laughing as she came out of the bedroom pulling a coat on. "Anyone would think you were excited."

***

Cigarette in one hand, coffee in the other, Abby stood on the roof staring out across Chicago. Normally she found the view comforting and beautiful. Today it just added to her annoyance. Why did that road go at that angle? And why was that building lit up from the outside, and not another? Stupid little things all had something annoying and stupid about them. She kicked the wall hard, yelping slightly as she stubbed her toe. But who cared about the pain? It would all be gone tonight once she got home to her bottle of Stolichnaya. She could forget all her troubles and just drink.

"Mind if I join you?" Susan asked from the other side of the roof, by the stairs. Abby hadn't even realised she'd come up. She shrugged, trying to seem like she didn't care. Truth was, she desperately wanted to talk to Susan. She wanted to tell her all about what a mess she'd made of her life, and what terrible lies she'd told to Carter. She wanted to tell her how guilty she felt, and how much she just wanted to sink into oblivion.

Susan had obviously taken the shrug as a yes, since she was now stood by Abby next to the wall, watching out over the city. "The city's beautiful at this time in the evening, isn't it?"

"Yup," Abby grumbled, not granting her supposed best friend any more conversation than that.

"You know, this conversation thing, if we're going to try and have one I need more than one word sentences from you."

"Who said I wanted a conversation?"

"Ah, that's better!" She knew what Susan was doing. She was trying to either get her so annoyed that she yelled at her and told everything that was going, or calm her down so she opened up. Abby was determined it wouldn't work.

"Why do you even want to talk to me Susan?"

"Because you're my friend."

"I don't think so. And if you truly think you still want to be friends with me, I think you need your head looking at."

"I'll gladly have a CT if it makes you believe I really do want to be your friend."

"Right, whatever," Abby retorted bitterly.

"You really don't want anyone to care about you, do you? Have you seen Carter this afternoon?"

"No. I spoke to him this morning."

"Yeah, I know. He's devastated." Abby shrugged. She wasn't going to give Susan the satisfaction of knowing what had transpired in her conversation with Carter. "Is what you said true?"

"What?"

"Is it true? What you told him?" She shrugged again. "He doesn't believe you. Well, at least not about the affair and the abortion. Did you do it?"

"Maybe."

"I take it that means no. Abby, what are you doing?"

"Giving him a better life."

"A better life alone, wishing he was with you? Wow, that totally rocks."

"I know what I'm doing Susan. Please, don't make me explain."

"Okay." She was amazed at Susan's acceptance of the request. "But, there's one condition. You have to let me take you out tonight."

"No Susan, I don't want to have to explain everything to you tonight either."

"Not to explain. I just want to make sure you have a good time. We always have a laugh, right?"

"Yeah, I guess…"

"Is that a yes?"

"Okay."

***

__

"It was so casual and relaxed, I didn't realise what he'd said for a moment!" Abby explained to Susan down the phone.

"About time too, it's taken the pair of you long enough," _she joked, and Abby could tell she was grinning on the other end of the phone._

"I've got the most gorgeous engagement ring, too. It was his great grandmother's, it's got diamonds and all. He told me we were going to go buy one, and then produced that in the car, and said we could buy rings for the wedding instead!"

"Okay, you've got to show me sometime soon, I'm dying to see this rock!"

__

"Yup. I never thought I'd be one to get all girlie over rings, but it's so exciting."

"So you bought wedding rings too?"

__

"Yeah, they're just simple bands. Really nice though. Hey, why don't you come round this evening? We'll get a Chinese take out and the three of us can chat about the wedding, and I'll show you the rings."

"Yeah!" _Susan exclaimed, obviously excited at the prospect. _"Okay, I have to go now, but I'll see you later. Bye!"

__

"Yeah, bye."

"I guess Susan's coming round then?" Carter asked once she'd put the phone down.

"Yeah…sorry, I should have asked you. She's just so excited and everything, I feel mean keeping her away from it."

"I know, it's fine. You want me to take myself out for the evening so you can have a girlie chat?"

"No!" she exclaimed, making her way towards him and then kissing him gently. "You are not going anywhere mister."

"Good, I was beginning to think I might have to leave my own apartment."

"We can start wedding plans, it'll be fun."

"Wedding plans? And there you were this morning accusing me of being excited," he joked. "Anyway, I always kind of thought you'd want a small wedding."

"I do. But even small weddings need planning."

***


	3. Chapter 3

****

Author's Note: Okay, first things first, sorry for not updating this for so long. I know, I'm a bad, bad author. And I just update more often. But my exams finished today, so hopefully everything will get back to normal! :-D ;) This is chapter 3…I have one more thing to say before I let you all read: please give this chapter a chance, however strange it may seem (and you'll not what I mean when you read it!). Keep on with it and I promise you it's got a point. Anyway, read on and enjoy! I love you reviews, don't ya know?! Jo xx

~

"Where do you want to go?" Susan asked as they left County ready for their night out.

"I don't know, a club somewhere? Or what was that bar we went to once, you know with Deb?"

"How about we just go to a café and have coffee?" Abby rolled her eyes, but realised she wouldn't win if she started arguing the suggestion, and so just followed Susan's lead.

They found themselves in a quiet coffee bar near the outskirts of the city, and before they knew it two hours had passed and large amounts of coffee had been drunk. It felt good to just be able to chat to someone without questions being asked. Abby felt that if Susan asked about the Carter incident she might actually be willing to tell. But she wasn't going to volunteer the information if she wasn't asked.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, I'll be right back," Susan told her, getting up and leaving. The waitress came as they left, collecting up their empty mugs, and Abby ordered two more lattes. This much coffee surely wasn't good for her. But then again, it was better than sitting at home drinking the amount of alcohol she had drunk last night. She felt ashamed now. She really ought to go to an AA meeting, right now. But now wasn't the time. She was still too upset. And she didn't think she could bear to listen to everyone's stories.

"Excuse me, can I join a lovely lady?" a voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked up to see a handsome young man smiling at her.

"Sure, take a seat." As he sat down, the waitress arrived with the coffees.

"Two coffees? Ooh dear, boyfriend?"

"No, just a friend," Abby explained. "She's in the bathroom."

"Well that's a relief." He winked at her, and she found herself liking him already. "Sorry, how rude, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Kevin." He held out a hand to her, which she shook.

"Abby. Nice to meet you."

"Abby. You're a very pretty young lady, you know Abby."

"Thank you. But flattery won't get you everything."

"Ooh, feisty too?" he laughed. "Just the sort of girl I like. One has to wonder why you're not already snatched up."

"You want the whole history or the abridged version?"

"Abridged sounds good."

"Difficult family, and I just had a messy break up."

"Ah, so no one likes the family, huh?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it." She grinned at him, feeling at ease and for a moment slightly happy. She was being chatted up by a gorgeous guy, what more could she ask for?

"Well, I'm not great with difficult families, but I don't think coming back to mine for something a little stronger than coffee requires meeting the family, does it?"

"No, I don't think it does," she responded. She saw him stand to leave, but didn't make a move to get up.

"I'm going out to wait in my car. I'll be outside for five minutes if you decide you want to join me." He winked at her, before turning and leaving.

She was torn. Should she go with him? It seemed so appealing. A quick escape, a further way to distance herself from Carter. But then she would feel like she was cheating on him. And she had that niggling thought in the back of her mind that she'd only known this guy two minutes, and had no idea what he was really like. But he seemed like a perfect gentleman, and she was certain he wouldn't hurt her. What was the harm in it?

After scribbling a note on a scrap of paper and leaving it for Susan, who had still not returned from the bathroom, she gathered her coat and bag and made her way out the door. Looking around she couldn't see where he was, but then she heard a hoot of a car horn, and saw him sitting in a car on the other side of the road, waving at her.

"So, you decided I'd be more fun than coffee, huh?" he asked once she'd got into the car.

"Yeah. But my friend's going to be mad that I abandoned her, so you'd better make it worth my while."

***

__

"Hey Susan, come on in," Abby greeted, opening the apartment door wide for her friend.

"Congratulations!" Susan grabbed her into a hug, squealing as she did so. "This is so exciting!"

"Yeah, but you're sounding a little over enthusiastic: it's my wedding not yours," Abby joked as she pulled away, before calling to Carter. "John, Susan's here!" He emerged from the bedroom, and before he could get very far Susan had dashed across the room and gathered him up in a hug too.

"Took you long enough you fool," she joked, finally calming down slightly and taking a place on the sofa. Abby and Carter joined her, sitting down cautiously as if she might leap on them at any minute for another hug. "When's the big day then?"

"We didn't really decide that yet. We've only been engaged for less than twelve hours!"

"Twelve hours is a long time!" Susan exclaimed, laughing. "You should have the plans well underway by now. Still, it doesn't matter, I'm here now we'll sort it all out. Carter, who's going to be best man?"

"I…"

"Come on, you can't hesitate like that!"

"My goodness Susan, I know why you got married on the spur of the moment now," Abby laughed. "No one would be able to cope with you, you'd be the bride from hell. You're definitely trying to be the maid of honour from hell right now."

"Maid of honour?" Susan stared at her, mouth wide open in shock, before a grin slowly formed. "Ah! Abby, thank you so much, you don't know how much this means to me."

"I think I've got a pretty good idea," she responded, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, come on, this is my responsibility even more now. Carter, you have to come up with a best man."

"I really don't know. There's no one I can think of that I'm that close to…You could be the best man Susan!"

"Look Abby, your fiancé's got a sense of humour! First off I'm not a man, and second I'm already maid of honour."

"Best woman then? I know how much you love to multi-task."

"Okay, I suppose we can leave you to think about best man for a while. We'll sort out Abby's dress while you decide!" She delved into her bag and pulled out a stack of bridal magazines.

"Oh my goodness, it's like Mary Poppins' bag!"

"Well, there's so many different styles to choose from, you have to think really carefully about it. And you have to decide what colour you want too."

"Aren't wedding dresses just white?" Abby queried, confused.

"No, you can have loads of shades of cream and things," Carter joined in. "I think white's nicest though, don't you Susan? Although maybe a bit of embroidery in another shade would go nicely too…"

"Okay, that does it, gets your coats," Abby exclaimed, rising from the sofa.

"What?"

"I know I said earlier that I was excited about the preparation, but I can't be bothered with it all. I just want to get married. So come on, let's get ourselves down to City Hall."

"Now?"

"That's what I said!" she exclaimed, giving the trade mark roll of the eyes. "That is, if you're happy with that John."

"Yeah, totally!" he grinned, and she sighed with relief, glad that he obviously meant it too. "But won't your mother kind of kill us if she doesn't get to be at our wedding?"

"Nah, she'll just be happy that I got married to you at last. As long as we send her a nice photo."

"I'm sure we can manage that." He got up from the sofa now, and fetched all their coats. "Let's go then."

"Hang on, does this mean we don't get to plan the wedding and buy the dress?" Susan asked, slightly annoyed.

"I'm sorry Susan, I just…I can't be done with this. At my first wedding I had the dress and everything but it didn't mean anything. This time I just want to get married, I don't care about the wedding."

"If you two weren't so sweet I'd probably want to be sick. Come on, let's go." They rushed out of the apartment, and piled into Carter's jeep, before making their way towards City Hall. "Hang on, you need another witness!"

"There will be someone around, won't there?" Carter asked, keeping his eyes on the road. "It doesn't matter who it is."

"Not legally, but surely you want it to be someone you know. You should have a best man." She paused, racking her brain for any possibilities. "Ooh, I know! I don't think Chuck's busy this evening, I'll call him and get him to meet us there."

When they arrived at City Hall, Chuck was stood outside waiting for them, a grin plastered on his face. "I would make a joke about this being a quick marriage after the engagement, but then you'd probably call me a hypocrite," he joked when they approached him.

"You ready?" Carter asked Abby, taking her hand in his.

"Yup, let's go for it."

***

"Oi, time to get up Miss Abby," a voice called her back into the waking world. Abby groaned as she tried hard not to be woken up. She really wanted just another hour's sleep. When the voice called her to wake up again she gradually forced her eyes open, blinking hard. "Ah, that's better! There's coffee in the kitchen if you can drag yourself that far." She blinked at him again, confused for a moment, before remembering and laughing slightly to herself. Last night hadn't been too bad.

"Thanks. You're showered and dressed already?"

"Why sleep in the morning when you're wasting part of the day that you could be doing something?"

"My philosophy has always been why do something when you could be sleeping."

"You know what they say, opposites attract." He took her hands, and pulled her up into a seated position. "Like I said, coffee's in the kitchen. I showed you where the bathroom was last night, feel free to take a shower or bath or whatever. I have to go to work, just let yourself out when you leave." He stood up from the position he had taken seated on the bed, and walked towards the bedroom door.

"Thank you Kevin," she called after him. "Last night was really good, it was good to relax again."

"Yeah, it was really good. Maybe I'll see you again sometime Abby." He turned and walked out of the bedroom. A couple of moments later she heard the apartment door slam shut, and she allowed herself to fall back against the pillow.

Was what she'd done really wise? She wasn't sure. But Kevin had been charming. And she'd had a laugh, something she hadn't thought she'd be able to do without Carter. Last night didn't mean anything. That was the appeal of it. No commitment. No love. No pain. She smiled to herself, before finally swinging her legs over the side of the bed and making her way into the bathroom for a shower. Then she would leave for work, walking out of the door and out of Kevin's life, with no pain surrounding the event, just a sweet memory.

***

__

"Good morning Mrs. Carter."

"Go back to sleep," she mumbled, annoyed that anyone dared to disturb her. She flung an arm out to hit him playfully, but managed to hit him a lot harder than she'd intended.

"Oww!" he yelled, before bursting out laughing. "I don't know about this husband abuse." She opened her eyes slowly, and looked over at him.

"I'm sorry, are you okay? I didn't mean to hit you so hard."

"I'll live," he winked at her.

"Oh, I don't know. You look like you're injured about there." She pointed to an area of his neck, before leaning over and kissing that area. "And here too." Kiss. "And here." Kiss. "And definitely here."

"You can hit me in bed more often if this is the treatment I get," he responded, wrapping his arms around her, and then kissing her on the lips.

"Yeah, I'll hit you more often if I get thanks for treating you too." She glanced at the clock, realising the time. "We have to work today, don't we?"

"How much does that suck? We can't even have the day after our wedding off."

"Well, we'll make up for it this evening." She pulled away from him, swung her legs off the bed and made her way towards the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower, you coming?" She entered the bathroom, and turned the shower on, allowing it to warm up while she waited for him. She smiled happily at her reflection in the mirror. She was sure life couldn't be better.

***


	4. Chapter 4

****

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews everyone, it means a lot to me! I'm really glad you accepted the Kevin thing. ;) Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy. Jo xx

"So, what 'emergency' happened last night that meant you had to rush off?" Susan quizzed Abby.

"It doesn't matter." She shrugged.

"You abandoned me for something that doesn't matter? Wow, I feel great about myself."

"Okay, you really want to know?" Abby looked around herself to check there weren't any nosy colleagues listening in. "I got chatted up by this guy, and I kind of…well, you know."

"You left with him?" Susan exclaimed loudly.

"Shush! Keep it down, I don't want the whole department knowing."

"Sorry. I guess I thought you were still hung up over Carter, it's only been like two days, and…I just didn't expect it."

"I didn't expect it either. I'm not really sure how it happened, or why…I guess it was escapism, in a way. I do feel kind of bad for it."

"Don't be. You need to move on, be happy. So, tell me all about the lucky man!"

"His name's Kevin." Susan stared at her waiting for her to go on.

"Err, anything else?"

"Well, he's cute, funny, and charming."

"That's nice. What's his job? How old is he? Surname? I could get Frank to check out his criminal record for you," she joked.

"I'm not sure what job he has…it must be quite well paid, he had a nice sports car. His surname is…" she trailed off, thinking hard. "I don't think we actually got that far. Not sure on the age either."

"Do you know anything about his guy Abby?"

"He's called Kevin…"

"Yeah, apart from the fact that he's called Kevin and is cute, funny and charming."

"He uses Head and Shoulders shampoo."

"Wow, way to go Abby. You slept with a guy you know nothing about." Susan rolled her eyes, grabbed a chart and walked off.

"Don't go lecturing me Susan! You married a guy you knew nothing about."

"No," Susan hissed when Abby had caught up with her, making sure no one else could hear. "I knew what his name was, I knew what job he did, I knew where he came from, I knew what he was interested in, and I knew that he had two sisters and a brother. There's a difference from 'some guy called Kevin who's cute, funny and charming', Abby." Susan stormed off, leaving Abby staring after her shocked.

She made her way to the Doctor's lounge and sat down, contemplating what Susan had said. She was right, she didn't know anything about him. She'd seen it all as just a bit of a laugh, nothing serious. But even 'a bit of a laugh' required a little more information than she had. Wow, once again Abigail Lockhart had screwed up. What a surprise.

***

__

"Thank you," Abby said, grinning at the millionth person to congratulate her today. It seemed she couldn't go anywhere without being told how lucky she was, or how happy everyone was for them. She expected she would get sick of it, but actually that was far from the truth. Every time someone congratulated her she couldn't help beaming with pride and happiness. She was married to the man she loved with her whole heart, the man who loved her more than anything. Why should being constantly reminded of that annoy her?

She twisted the two rings around on her finger, grinning at yet another reminder of their marriage.

"What are you smiling at?" She jumped slightly as she heard his voice, before laughing and smiling at him.

"I was just thinking about you actually."

"Oh yeah? Good thoughts, I hope."

"Always good thoughts."

"Hey, if it isn't the happy couple!" They both looked over to see Susan standing a few feet away from them.

"And there's the obsessive bridesmaid," Abby joked, winking at Carter.

"I enjoy being obsessive, it's fun! Anyway, I was only trying to make sure you had the best wedding possible. That's what best friends are for, right?"

"They certainly are. Thank you for letting us do it our way though."

"Ah, it was my pleasure."

"Congratulations, and celebrations," Chuny sang as she approached them, grinning broadly.

"Dear goodness, not Cliff Richard!" Haleh exclaimed, also joining them. Soon they were surrounded by a group of colleagues, all quizzing them about it.

"So, what did you wear?" someone quizzed, Abby couldn't quite see who through the group of people.

"Actually, since it was kind of spur of the moment to have the wedding last night I was just wearing jeans and a sweater." Everyone looked horrified, causing Abby to laugh. "The clothes don't matter you know guys, it's the marriage that's the important thing."

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Susan exclaimed. "You guys are totally…"

"This is your work place, not a social gathering!" Susan was interrupted by Weaver yelling from the other side of admit. Everyone scattered, several people rolling their eyes, leaving Carter and Abby stood alone by the admit desk. Kerry immediately softened, smiling at them. "John, Abby, congratulations."

"Thanks," Abby returned the smile, feeling a further happiness that even Kerry was congratulating them.

"Err, I was just getting back to work," Carter added, before she could tell them off.

"Yeah, and I'm off." They both walked off, Abby to leave and Carter to tend to more patients.

"I love you, see you at home later," he whispered to her just before she was about to go into the lounge to collect her coat and purse.

"Yeah, definitely. I love you too."

***

Abby sat alone on her sofa, legs curled up underneath her, and a blanket pulled around her shoulders to try and create some warmth. She hated the feeling of loneliness and emptiness that she was feeling right now. She was beginning to think that last night with Kevin had been a mistake. It was just reminding her of what she didn't have with Carter anymore.

She was absent-mindedly flicking through channels on the TV, not really watching anything, when the door buzzed. She frowned, wondering who it could be at this time in the evening. She wondered who would want to come and see her anyway. For a brief moment she had a flicker of hope that it could be Carter, but then she realised that she was the one who left him, and sighed sadly. Maybe it was Kevin. But then again, she hadn't told him where she lived. Confused as to who it might be she hit the button for the intercom.

"Hello?"

__

"Hi Abby, it's Susan. Is it okay if I come up?" Abby debated this for a moment. Did she really want another lecture from Susan? Well, things couldn't really get any worse, so there wasn't any harm in trying.

"Sure." She hit the button to unlock the door at the front of the building, before unlatching her door ready for Susan, and then taking her place back on the sofa. A few moments later Susan arrived, smiling nervously.

"Hi."

"Hey." There was an awkward silence as Susan stood in the doorway. "You want to come in? You can take your coat off too, you know." Susan nodded, closing the door behind her and placing her coat over the back of a chair. She nervously took a seat on the sofa next to Abby.

"I…I'm probably the last person you want to see right now," she began nervously. "But I wanted to come and apologise. I'm sorry for lecturing you earlier, that was wrong of me. You're going through a really tough time, and I'm your friend. I'm meant to be there for you, not have a go at you for the way you spend your time. It doesn't matter if I approve or not, I'm just going to support you from now on. That is, if you'll let me…"

"That would be good. Thank you." Both women smiled, relieved that the tension had been eliminated. "Sorry that I've been a bitch the last two days. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you as a friend."

***

__

"Honey I'm home!" Carter called, laughing as he walked through the door.

"Oh my goodness, don't go getting all cheesy romantic movie on me, I might be sick," she laughed, coming out of the kitchen. "And hi," she added, almost as an after thought.

"What a nice welcome home."

"Sorry, you want a better one?" she asked, before kissing him gently on the lips. She pulled away slightly and grinned, before he pulled her back for a longer kiss. "Better?"

"Definitely!"

"Good to know."

"So, did I just see you coming out of the kitchen? You weren't fixing dinner were you? Because I might be a little worried if you suddenly turn into a house wife."

"No," she laughed. "Well, not exactly. I was fixing dinner. But it was more of a 'I just got off the phone to the pizza place' than cooking."

"That's my Abby." She took his hand, and led him through to the living room, sitting them both down on the sofa together.

"So, what do you want to do this evening?" He raised an eyebrow, grinning at her. "Yeah, what else?"

"I don't know, eat pizza, spend time with my gorgeous wife…"

"Ooh, flattery!"

"Will get me nowhere, huh?"

"No actually, it'll get you most places." She winked at him, and they both laughed.

"You got any ideas?"

"I don't know…but I guess it doesn't really matter as long as we're doing it together."

"Someone help me!" Carter exclaimed.

"What?!"

"I just married a walking talking cliqué. Where are the divorce papers?"

"Don't you dare!" Abby squealed, hitting him playfully on the chest. "I didn't marry you to add another divorce to my list."

"Another divorce? The way you say that it sounds like you've had millions! Is there something you're not telling me?"

Abby suddenly didn't know what to do or say. Yes, there was something she wasn't telling him. But should she tell him? She so badly wanted to, wanted to be able to tell him everything she'd kept to herself all these years. He was her husband, she should be able to tell him anything, right? And yet there was a lingering doubt in her mind about how he would react. What if he was mad at her for not telling him sooner? Or what if he couldn't believe anyone would kill their own child? What if he was ashamed to be married to her? Then he really would be asking for the divorce papers.

"Abby? Are you okay?" he asked, picking up on her silence. She nodded, trying to give an air of confidence. "I know you better than that Abby, something's up. Come on, you can tell me." He took her hands in his, and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand soothingly.

"I don't know. I can't…I mean, you'll hate me," she blurted out. Oh great, she suddenly realised, now she'd actually have to tell him. She wouldn't get away with pretending it was nothing.

"What do you mean? I could never hate you. I love you, and you're my wife. Nothing can change that. Understand?" She nodded nervously, and felt the tears beginning to prick at her eyes. This was it, the time to tell him, and she could already tell she was going to be a nervous wreck by the end of it.

"I…well, when I was married to…err, I…" She trailed off, unable to form the words that she wanted to say. He watched her intently, a compassionate look on his face that both asked her to go on, and told her he was there no matter what. This gave her renewed confidence to tell him, and so she continued. "I should have told you this before we got married, I should have told you long ago, I'm so sorry. I just…I didn't know how to say it. I don't even know how to say it now." She took a deep breath. "When I was married to Richard, I got pregnant, and…I had an abortion." A single tear trickled down her cheek, and she bowed her head in an effort to hide it from him.

"Oh Abby…"

"Please don't be mad," she mumbled, wiping angrily at her cheek as a few more tears fell. "I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. I just…I knew I couldn't cope with a baby. And I'm so, so sorry I didn't tell you before. And I…"

"Hey, shush." He pulled her towards him, and let her bury her face in his shirt. "It's okay, none of that matters now, does it? The past is the past, I've done things I'm not too proud of, but we get through it, right?" She nodded into his chest, sniffling slightly. "Things aren't always perfect, but you know we got each other, and we're having a great time together. We're happily married, and maybe one day we'll have our own family, and all this will seem so unimportant, yeah?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, holding onto him tightly. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me." He kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

***


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** Thanks to those who reviewed. Here's the next chapter, hope everyone likes it. I'd love to know what you think! Jo xx 

"I've been thinking," Abby began, running a finger round the rim of her coffee mug. 

"Oh dear, that's dangerous," Susan retorted, and both laughed. 

"Seriously though. I was thinking last night about Kevin." 

"Kevin?" 

"Yeah, you know...the guy from the coffee shop two months ago." 

"Oh!" Susan exclaimed, realising who she meant. "That Kevin." 

"Right. Anyway...I was wondering, do you think I should call him?" 

"Call him? How, you don't have his number. More to the point, why?" 

"I don't know...I just thought we ought to talk." 

"To talk?" Susan raised an eyebrow. "Is something going on that you want to tell me about? Because you dated Carter for a year, and you refuse to discuss it with me, and yet you slept with Kevin once, and...Oh my goodness Abby, you're not?!" 

"Err..." Abby was sure Susan's scream could be heard back at County. "You think it's really bad?" 

"Well, I should probably be lecturing you about protection and all that, especially when you only just met the guy, but...I'm gonna be an auntie!" 

"Someone help me," Abby mumbled, rolling her eyes. 

"You're not in the least bit excited?" 

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I guess I just always...whenever I imagined my kids they were Carter's kids." 

"You sure it's not his?" 

"Yeah, pretty much." Abby ran a hand through her hair, sighing. "I don't really know what to do, to be honest. I barely kept myself going the last few months, you've seen that yourself. And now everything's so much more complicated..." 

"I'm here for you, you know that right? We'll work something out, I'll help you. Both of you." Susan couldn't help but grin. "Auntie Susan is going to have maximum input. That is, if you'll have me." 

"I don't even know if I want a baby yet, Susan," Abby snapped, annoyed at Susan's chirpiness. Susan was taken aback by her friend's abrupt manner, and was unsure what to say. 

"Err...you're thinking about adoption?" 

"Goodness Susan, are you really that naïve? There are other options..." 

"You'd do that? To your own child?" 

"I've done it before." She immediately regretted what she'd said when she saw Susan's reaction. Why had she even mentioned that? She should have known her friend would be disgusted. That she would never want to talk to her again. It would have been better not to mention being pregnant, had an abortion and never told anyone. But she knew how much never having told anyone had hurt her last time. Keeping all the emotions bottled up just made it worse. 

"You...you had an abortion? When?" 

"When I was with Richard...look, I really don't want to talk about it. I shouldn't have even said anything." She moved to get up, but Susan grabbed her arm and stopped her. 

"You know I'm here, right? You don't have to worry about being alone with a baby or anything, I'm your best friend and I'm not going to abandon you. Think about that, yeah?" 

*** 

_"Abby?" Carter called as he entered the apartment. "Abby? Are you there?" No response. He wandered through the apartment, looking for her. It was spotless. Everything was tidied away to where it should be, although he wasn't sure what those places were. There wasn't a spot of dust in the whole apartment. Had she hired a maid or something? The taps on the sink were glistening, and he could even see his reflection in the metallic sink. But no sign of Abby. _

He grabbed the phone, and dialled her cell number. It rang and rang and rang, but she didn't pick up. He was just panicking, and about the hang up, when she answered. 

"Hey John." 

_"Hey, where are you?" _

"I just went to do some shopping, I'll be home soon. Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." 

_"It's okay, I just wondered where you were. Abby, did you hire a maid?" _

"No." _She sounded confused, like she didn't understand what he was talking about. _"Why?" 

_"The apartment's spotless. I just wondered how it got like that." _

"Oh, I did a bit of tidying." 

_"You tidied the apartment?" he asked, slightly amused by this. Since when did his wife tidy? She was the sort of person who threw anything that wasn't needed on the floor, and let it build up there until you couldn't walk through the room. _

"Yeah. Got a problem with that?"_ she teased, to which he responded with a laugh._ "Okay, I have go, I'm just getting in the car to drive home. See you soon. Love you lots."

"Love you too." He hung up the phone, and glanced around the living room. It certainly looked bigger. Probably partly because the videos were neatly arranged on a video rack in the corner, instead of spilling in a pile on the floor, and there weren't various blankets, plates, CDs and other items adorning the floor. The videos were even arranged in alphabetical order, he noticed. And the CDs too. If this were any other person he would find it pleasant, nice to come home to a clean home. But this was Abby, and it just struck him as plain weird. 

Deciding to stop being such a worrier, and just wait for her to get home, he picked up a medical journal that had been neatly stacked on a pile underneath the coffee table, and began to read. 

About ten minutes later he heard a key turn in the lock, and saw Abby enter, struggling with an armful of bags. "You need a hand?" he asked, rushing to the door and taking some from her. They deposited the bags on the bed, before returning to the living room. "You've been busy!" 

"Yeah. I never realised what 'shop till you drop' really meant until now. I'm about ready to sleep for twenty four hours." 

"That's a bit hard, since we both have to work at eight tomorrow morning." 

"Ah, that sucks!" she exclaimed, laughing as she sat herself down on the sofa. 

"So, what invoked this mad cleaning spree?" 

"The apartment was a mess. It wasn't in a fit state to live in." 

"That never bothered you before." She shrugged. "And what about this mad shopping spree? You've never been much of a shopping person." 

"Every woman has to go out with her husband's credit cards once in a while, right?" 

"By the looks of all the bags in there you've taken full advantage of the Carter bank account," he teased playfully. 

"Ooh, you think you're funny, don't you?" 

"Want to show me what you bought?" 

"It's kind of embarrassing." 

"Oh come on!" 

"I don't know...you're going to think I'm mad." 

"I already do, you've been cleaning! So come on." She shook her head. "Okay, I'll go look on my own." He left, and quickly made his way to the bedroom before she could catch him. 

"John!" he could hear her shouting, so he grabbed the first bag he could find before she could take the shopping away. She entered the room, standing guard protectively over her shopping bags. He waved his one bag in front of her face, teasing. "Really, it's really stupid, don't..." It was too late, he had pulled something out of the bag. 

"A pacifier?" he asked, confused. "What do you want one of these for?" He dipped his hand back into the bag, and pulled a set of bottles with pictures of little ducks down the side. "And bottles?" 

"And they call you a doctor..." she laughed, waiting for him to catch on. 

"You mean...you bought these for us?" 

"Yeah..." 

"For when?" 

"Like seven a half months." She watched a grin slowly spread across his face as he caught on. 

"Really?" 

"Yup." 

"Wow." He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "I mean, oh my goodness this is amazing. You are happy about this, right?" 

"Yeah, definitely. Why would I buy bags full of baby stuff when I'm only 6 weeks pregnant if I wasn't happy?" 

"We're going to be parents!" 

"Kind of scary, huh?" 

*** 

Abby was stood at admit, filling out some charts when the paramedics brought Howie Diondre into the ER, struggling violently. Kerry and Carter quickly joined them, attempting to hold him down, with very little success. Carter looked around for a nurse, finally setting his eyes on Abby. "Abby, we need some haldol." She quickly grabbed the needed drugs, and approached them. 

"Don't you dare touch me with that you bitch!" Howie screamed, lashing out at her and punching her in the stomach just as she injected the haldol. Abby stumbled backwards, just managing to catch her fall. 

"You okay?" Carter asked, concerned. 

"Yes, go treat the patient." She motioned for them to carry on to the trauma room, gritting her teeth against the pain that was rippling through her stomach. As soon as they were both out of site, she pressed a hand against her stomach, in an attempt to ease the pain. Please, not this, she thought. She didn't know if she wanted a baby, but it couldn't just end like this. 

She made her way back to the admit desk, and attempted to continue with her charts. If she asked for help everyone would know. They couldn't know, not when she didn't know what she was going to do. And Carter couldn't know. He would think the baby was his, and want to help her. But she didn't want his help. No, that wasn't quite true. She'd always wanted his help, but she couldn't let him help her. 

"Abby, are you okay?" She looked up from her chart to see Luka looking at her, concerned. 

"Yes, " she snapped, regretting it when he looked slightly hurt. "Sorry Luka, I shouldn't snap at you like that." 

"You know what he did was physical abuse, you could have a case for prosecution." She shook her head to indicate no, before closing her eyes tightly in an attempt to ignore the pain. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't look too good." 

"Yup, just fine." She grimaced again. Something had to be done, she knew that. She wouldn't have any choice if she didn't tell someone right now. She was sure he would be willing to help her, and keep her secret, but... "Could you just get Susan for me please?" He nodded and began to walk off, as she looked at the board to see what was empty. "Tell her to meet me in exam two." 

Once Luka was out of site, she walked over to the exam room, and was relieved to find it was empty as was expected. The pain was beginning to get sharper, and tears stung in her eyes. She didn't want this, what had she done to deserve it? She lifted herself onto a gurney, and pulled her legs to her chest, hugging them tightly. As much as she wanted to be strong, tears began to fall down her cheeks, and they soon became shuddering sobs. 

When Susan entered she was still curled up and sobbing. "Abby? What's wrong?" Her friend quickly rushed over to her, putting a supportive arm around her shoulders. 

"I was punched in the stomach by a patient," she sobbed, raising a hand to her face in an attempt to wipe away the tears. "Susan, I think I'm going to lose the baby." 

"Oh Abby..." She hugged her tighter, tears pricking at her own eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't tell anyone. Could you check everything, please?" 

"Of course, I'll do anything I can." She moved away, preparing herself to examine Abby. "Has there been any spotting?" 

"I don't know..." 

"How about you get into a gown, yeah?" Abby nodded, taking the gown that Susan was holding out to her. Susan pulled the curtain around as she changed into it. 

"Susan?" 

"Yes?" 

"There's not spotting." Susan took a moment to breathe a sigh of relief, before Abby pulled the curtain open again, and lay back on the gurney. 

"That's good. Really good." Abby smiled weakly at her. The lack of spotting was little comfort when she was still in so much pain, and still felt like she was going to lose her baby. "I'm going to do an ultrasound, okay?" Abby nodded as Susan wheeled the machine over to her, and squirted the gel onto her stomach. She moved the sensor around on Abby's stomach, looking for the best view. "There we go..." The soft pounding of a heartbeat came from the speakers on the machine, and Abby gasped. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I just...is that my baby's heartbeat?" Susan nodded, and she couldn't help a smile forming. "That's good, yeah? Everything's going to be okay." 

"Well, the heart rate's a little high, but it sounds good. But you were an OB nurse Abby, you know as well as I do that nothing's certain. Let's take a look on the screen, okay?" They both turned their attention to the screen, when Susan had a view of the baby. "Baby doesn't look too distressed. Look, there's its head!" Susan pointed to the screen, and they both smiled. 

"So I'm not going to miscarry? What's the pain then? It really hurts Susan." 

"I don't know. I'm no expert on this area, so I'm going to call Janet Coburn down okay?" 

"No, Susan, please...I don't want anyone else in the hospital knowing yet. It will make things so complicated." 

"Abby, let me put it this way. It doesn't look to me like you're miscarrying at the moment, but we don't know what damage that punch did. Any minute something else could happen, and you could lose your baby. Please, just see Dr. Coburn. You'll both be much safer." Abby nodded reluctantly. "Thanks. Okay baby, say bye to Mummy!" Susan lifted the sensor from Abby's stomach, and wiped the gel off. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked, noticing tears in Abby's eyes. 

"Yeah, it's just...it's so amazing. I can't believe I thought I might not want my baby." 

*** 

_"Abby, can you help us over here!" Kerry called from where she and Carter were struggling with a violent patient. "We need some haldol." _

"Sure." 

"No!" She was stopped by Carter shouting as she turned to fetch the haldol. "Get Chuny to do it." 

"What?" Chuny asked, looking up from a chart. 

"We need haldol." She rushed off, and returned moments later, injecting the patient. Abby stared after the trio as they pushed the patient into trauma one. What was that all about? 

Half an hour later, Abby caught Carter as he was making his way to the bathroom. "Hey, John!" 

"Hey!" He smiled at her, but she didn't return the smile. Taking his arm, she steered him into an empty exam room. "What are we doing in here?" 

"What was that about?" 

"What was what about?" 

"Earlier. With the haldol." 

"Oh, that. I thought it would be safer if you kept away. You know, for you and the baby..." 

"I know what your reasons are, but you're being stupid!" 

"Abby, if you'd been hit you could have miscarried or..." 

"I know John, which one of us worked in OB for years?" 

"I'm sorry..." 

"I'm pregnant you know, not ill or incapable." 

"I know, I'm sorry." He looked at her apologetically. "I just wanted to look after you." 

"You can't wrap me up in cotton wool for the next seven months," she yelled. "For goodness sake, we've only known for twenty four hours, and you're already treating me like I'm about to break. Give it a rest John." 

"Really Abby, I'm sorry. I only did it because I love you, and I don't want to lose you or our baby." 

"I love you too, but you have to just let me do my job. You can't be everywhere at every moment making sure we're both okay." 

"Carter, Luka needs you," Susan interrupted them, pushing the door open. They both looked towards her guiltily, wondering how much of their exchange she'd heard. 

"I'll see you later," he said, giving Abby a smile as he left the room, leaving her alone with Susan. 

"Wow, you two were having a pretty big argument," she observed. 

"Oh, it was nothing..." 

"Nothing? You were shouting pretty loudly for nothing." 

"Really, we just had a little disagreement about something." 

"Hmm? About protection or something?" she asked, emphasising the word 'protection'. 

"Okay Susan, you heard didn't you?" 

"Yes!" she squealed, pulling her friend into a hug. "Congratulations!" 

"Thanks." 

"You know, he only does it because he loves you. And I think he probably had a good reason to anyway." 

"How much of our conversation did you hear?" 

"You mean your yelling match? Pretty much all of it. It wasn't hard to overhear." 

"Oh my goodness," Abby moaned, pulling herself up to sit on the side of a gurney, where Susan joined her. "I guess everyone knows then?" 

"Well..." 

"I thought so." She sighed, rolling her eyes. "This is just what I didn't want. It's enough of a pain having Carter wrapping me up in cotton wool, let alone everyone else thinking I'm incapable." 

"We don't think you're incapable." 

"No, I've seen it. As soon as someone's pregnant, they get shoved on triage duty. Any remotely dangerous patient they get taken off. They're not allowed anywhere near any possibly infectious patients, despite the fact that the definition of this place implies that that's pretty common. Plus people make excuses about you being pregnant for anything that happens. I'm going to be bored out of my mind for the next seven months." 

"Abby, if I know you, and I do, you won't let that happen. Don't worry about it. Everything will be fine, you'll see. Me and Carter will make sure of that." 

"Oh, John...I kind of upset him, didn't I?" 

"He'll get over it. He loves you. And he knows you're just feeling emotional at the moment." 

"Look, there you go, you're already blaming the argument on my hormones." 

"Sorry." 

"It's okay. I should go and apologise to John. I didn't mean to get so annoyed at him. Where did he go to find Luka?" 

"I have no idea actually." 

"But you told him..." 

"Yeah, I just wanted to save you two from the argument going any further. Plus I couldn't stand the suspense any longer, I had to quiz you on this!" 

*** 


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Thank you for the reviews. I'd like to particularly thank Brookestar, your review this morning made me post the next part of this. I wouldn't have thought of it otherwise, thank you for reminding me. And I really hope this part doesn't let you down! Give AngstyAbby a chance with her non-Carter baby...Just out of interest, are the lengths of parts okay? I personally prefer much longer chapters, but I know some people would rather shorter parts. So, is this about right, or would longer or shorter be better? Because I wrote this fic as one whole thing, not in chapters, so I can basically mess about with the lengths of chapters all I want! Anyway, I'll let you get on with the fic now, I hate to write long rambling author's notes so I apologise for doing it now. As always, I would love to know what you think. Jo xx 

* 

"So, you're going home and resting, yes?" Susan asked as she walked Abby to the El. 

"Yes..." She rolled her eyes. 

"No, don't roll your eyes at me." 

"Sorry. What about Kerry? She's going to wonder where I am." 

"Don't worry, I'll tell her you had to go home ill." They sat down on a bench on the platform, waiting for a train to arrive. "So, what did Janet say to you?" 

"Erm, that everything looks good, but that I should take it easy for a couple of days." 

"Did you get a due date? Or a sex?" 

"I don't want to know the sex, I think a surprise is kind of nice." 

"Aww, that's so sweet and old fashioned of you." 

"Don't try to be so funny. It's perfectly normal. You're just too nosy for your own good." 

"I guess so, sorry. What about due date?" 

"Yeah, I..." Just as she began to speak a train pulled onto the platform. "Sorry Susan, I have to go." She boarded the train as quickly as she could, not really wanting to tell Susan the due date. If Susan knew the due date, she'd know who the father was. And everything was complicated enough already, she didn't need Susan knowing just yet. 

She took a seat just inside the train, and let her mind wander in thought as it moved off. She wasn't sure what she should feel about the news she'd received this afternoon. A part of her was glad of who the father was, but another part of her couldn't get her head around how complicated all this was. He was going to want to be a part of his child's life, if he ever found out. But that couldn't happen. Despite her worries about being a single mother, she was now almost certain she could manage it. Surely having two parents who were both interested but weren't together would be worse for a child? 

Maybe she should just tell everyone the baby was Kevin's. It would be much simpler if it was his. She'd never have to see him again, he'd never know. Carter wouldn't want an input. He wouldn't want to be there to support her, or be there at the birth. She didn't want him at the birth of her child. No, that wasn't quite right. She would love for him to be there. But she couldn't be with him anymore. And their complicated history would just hurt their child. 

On the other hand, maybe she could do with the support. At least her baby would have a father, and wouldn't miss out on that important part of growing up like she had. And if that father had to be anyone, she was glad in a way that it was Carter. As cliquéd as it seemed, whenever she had imagined her children they were Carter's. And now she really was having Carter's child. The timing just sucked. 

*** 

_"Okay sir, you've got a dislocated hip joint, we're going to have to put it back into place," Pratt explained to the patient. _

"Is that going to hurt?" 

"Like hell." 

"But when we've finished you'll feel much better," Abby offered, seeing the distressed look on the man's face. "It really has to be done sir. But it will be over in a second, and then you'll be grateful of it." 

"Okay, do it." He closed his eyes tightly and gritted his teeth, while Pratt climbed up to get a good angle to pull the leg. 

"Abby, I need traction." 

"I..." She hesitated, remembering Carter's concern from earlier. "I can't." 

"Sure you can, come on!" "Okay," she replied, joining him at the end of the gurney. If Carter found out about this he was seriously going to kill her. Or lock her in a padded room. 

"Right, on the count of three. You push down, I pull." Abby nodded her understanding. "Okay, one, two, three..." 

"Argh!" the man screamed, kicking out with his other leg and sending Abby flying to the other side of the room. 

"Abby?" Pratt turned round and looked at her as she picked herself up off the floor. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go again." 

"You don't look fine." He stepped down from the end of the gurney and approached her. "Did you hit your head?" 

"No, really, I'm fine," she answered, at the same time wincing. 

"Abby stop playing tough. You should get checked out." 

"No!" she demanded angrily, rubbing her stomach as she felt another pain. This was all her fault. John had been right, she should take it easy. Stay away from patients who caused any risk to her or the baby. And now she'd thrown it all away, just because she was stubborn. She should have listened to him instead of yelling at him about trying to protect her when she didn't need protecting. Tears began to form in her eyes. They were going to lose their baby and it was all her fault. He would hate her now. 

"Abby?" Pratt asked again, noticing her tears. His eyes darted from her face, to the hand that was pressed to her stomach, and back to her face. "Oh Abby, why didn't you say?" She shrugged, and he was scared to see how vulnerable she looked. "Okay, let's get you into an exam room." 

"Can you get John please?" 

"I'm taking you to an exam room, and then I'll get Carter." He put an arm around her, holding her steady, and walked her to the nearest exam room where he helped her lie down on a gurney. "I'll be right back." 

As he walked out, Abby was left alone with her thoughts. She couldn't help blaming herself. After all, it was her fault. If she had listened to him, their baby wouldn't be dying right now. She was a terrible mother. She'd let her child down. It was her responsibility to give her baby everything it needed, and keep it safe, and she'd failed in that most basic respect. Maybe this was for the best. If she couldn't look after her child now, how would she manage when it was born? 

"Abby?" She looked up, expecting to find Carter, but Pratt was stood in the doorway with Susan. "Do you know where Carter might be? I couldn't find him." She shook her head, tears continuing to well up in her eyes. Where was he? She needed him right now. "Okay, I'll go and look for him." He looked between Abby and Susan, before turning and exiting, leaving the two women alone. 

"Oh Abby!" Susan rushed across the room and pulled her best friend into a hug. "It's going to be okay, you hear me?" Abby shook her head, sobbing into Susan's lab coat. 

"No it's not. I've let my child down, and I've let my husband down. I'm going to lose my baby." 

"We don't know that Abby." She pulled away, watching her friend sympathetically. "You're going to get the best treatment possible. Both of you." She stepped away, trying to move into doctor mode as much as she could in the circumstances. "Have you had any spotting?" 

"I don't know," Abby muttered, staring at the floor. She couldn't bear to look at Susan. She was sure her friend must be disgusted at her, that she could do something that put her child in danger. 

"You want me to check?" She nodded. 

"Well?" Abby asked when Susan didn't tell her what she had found a few moments later. Her voice shook at she spoke, and tears slipped down her cheeks. She didn't need to ask, she knew by her friend's silence what it was. 

"There's a little spotting. I'm going to call Coburn down." 

*** 

As Abby flicked through the channels on the TV she couldn't help but smile to herself. It seemed there were babies everywhere on the TV, and they all reminded her of her own child. She imagined herself in a few months time, buying the diapers that she was seeing advertised, and it gave her a contended feeling. 

Finding there was nothing interesting to watch she switched the TV off and walked towards the kitchen to find something to eat. On her way the phone sitting on the table by the front door caught her eye. She didn't know why, but she felt a sudden urge to call Carter. 

Before she had a chance to change her mind, she grabbed the phone and dialled the number she knew off by heart. 

_"Hello?"_ he answered after a few rings. Her breath caught in her throat: what was she doing phoning him? It had been a spur of the moment thing, she didn't even know what she was going to say to him. _"Hello, is anyone there?"_

"Uh, yeah," she stuttered. There was a silence from the other end of the phone. "Carter?" 

_"Why are you phoning me Abby?"_ She'd known this was a bad idea. But what was she supposed to do now? She guessed she could just hang up, but that wouldn't help the situation at all. 

"I just wanted to talk to you." 

_"What? You broke up with me, and told me some pretty horrible things about what you'd done, and now two months later you want to talk?"_ She cursed herself for saying those things. What had she been thinking? 

"I'm sorry, John. I was really stupid. I lied, I just wanted to push you away." This was sounding awfully like she was trying to get back together with him. There was another silence from him. "John?" 

_"It was lies? The abortion, and the cheating, and..."_

"Yes. I'm sorry." 

_"Err...do you want to get coffee or something?"_

"No Carter," she objected quickly. "We still shouldn't be together. It's not right, and I know I did the right thing ending it. So don't try to force something that's not there." 

_"Okay."_ She could hear the disappointment in his voice. If it wasn't for the fact that she knew what she was doing was better for him than what he thought she would feel guilty. _"Why did you ring then?"_

"I...I have to tell you something." She took a deep breath. This was it. "I'm pregnant." 

_"Pregnant?"_ he echoed, and she could already hear the excitement in his voice. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea. He wanted this kid. He would use it as a reason to stay tied to her. She had to let him be free, so that he had the life he deserved. _"Wow, that's great Abby, I..."_

"It's not yours, Carter." 

*** 

_Abby blinked at the harsh hospital lights as she came around. She tried to focus her eyes, and at the same time work out what she was doing here. She remembered being at work, and having to help Pratt with a dislocated hip. The dislocated hip. It all came flooding back to her. In her mind she relived being thrown across the room onto the floor, a pain searing through her like she hadn't felt before, both emotional and physical. The moment she'd realised that this was it, she was never going to be a mother. _

As tears began to fall down her cheeks her hand fell protectively to a stomach, where she knew her child was no longer. She remembered more. Susan checking her, telling her there was a little spotting. Calling Coburn down. She couldn't get the picture of Coburn's concerned face out of her mind. And then she remembered being wheeled out of the ER, past all her concerned colleagues who had known nothing of her short-lived pregnancy before. How could she ever face them again, when they would all know it was her fault her baby had died? She remembered being wheeled into the elevator, and John running in just before the doors closed. He'd been having coffee with Deb, Pratt had only just found him. In her mind she could see so clearly the agonising look on his face, and the tears welling up in his eyes. He knew what was about to happen. He knew everything was over. Then they had arrived in OB, and she'd been taken into a side room. All the concerned, sympathetic faces flashed through her mind. They only made her want to cry anymore. 

And that was it. She didn't remember anything else. What had happened? Her baby had died, that was what had happened. But why didn't she remember? 

Having managed to focus her eyes whilst thinking, she took a look around the room. It looked like a hospital, and she despised it. It was only here to remind her of what had happened. She was sure if she walked down a corridor she would find a crying baby, reminding her of what she had lost. Looking to her side, she found John sitting in a chair, fast asleep, his hand holding hers tightly. Just the sight of him made her even more upset, and she lifted the free hand that had been on her stomach to wipe at her eyes. With that motion, she felt like she was letting go forever. This was it. And it pained her so much. 

"John," she whispered, squeezing his hand. She couldn't do this alone, she needed him. No matter how much it would pain her to see the lost look in his eyes, she needed him here with her. "John?" He stirred slightly at the sound of her voice the second time, and after a moment of mumbling he opened his eyes and looked up at her. 

"Abby?" he croaked, his voice showing the signs of a night of crying and interrupted sleep. The edges of his eyes were read and puffy, and he looked totally exhausted. The tears continued to fall from her eyes, the sight of him merely confirming what she had already known. "Oh Abby, don't cry. Everything's going to be okay. We'll be okay." 

"No we won't." She shook her head, and he lifted a hand to wipe away the angry and distraught tears that were falling. "I'll always remember this, and how I killed our baby." 

"You didn't kill our baby, Abby." He smiled sadly at her, continuing to wipe at the tears. As fast as he could wipe at them, more came pouring down her cheeks. "Come here, I love you so much." He stood up slightly so he was in a position where he could pull her towards him. She sobbed into his shirt, letting out all the pain and anger that she was st of her life that she wouldn't think about this baby and be so grateful for it. She imagined telling her three year old son or daughter all about how lucky they were, and how lucky she was to have them. They would be a happy family after all. John, Abby, and their little muppet. 

*** 


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:** Well, here's chapter 7, a little quicker than previously. I'll try to churn the chapters out quicker now, as I've been a bit slow in the past. But I can't promise anything. Thanks for the reviews for chapter 6. I thought "wtf is up with non italic abby" summed this up perfectly! Hehe! Thanks once again, and I'd love to know what you think of this chapter. Now, on with the fic. Jo xx 

* 

"I have a surprise for you," Susan announced as she and Abby stood at their lockers putting their coats on. 

"Oh dear, I don't like the sound of this." 

"It's good, trust me." 

"Why does that just make me even more worried?" Abby queried as she took a quick look at the ultrasound picture on her locker door before shutting it. 

"And you say I'm your best friend. Come on, let's go." She took Abby's hand, and almost forcefully pulled her out of the room. 

"Where are we going?" 

"Out." 

"Woah, hang on!" Abby ground her heels to the floor, stopping Susan from pulling her along. "Susan, in case you hadn't noticed I'm wearing jeans and an old jumper, and I am fat." 

"You're not fat, you're five months pregnant." 

"Exactly! I should be sat at home with my feet up reading pregnancy magazines and eating some weird food like gherkins with Nutella." 

"The only craving you've had is for satsumas." 

"That's not the point! I'm just saying, I shouldn't be going out." 

"You mean you don't want to go out. Stop being such a spoil sport and come with me. It's not like it's anywhere fancy, we're just going to have coffee." Abby raised an eyebrow. "Decaf, of course." 

"Fine." Abby rolled her eyes, and followed Susan out to the El. "Why are we getting the El? Can't we just go over the road?" 

"Nope, there's a place in the city centre I want to try out." 

"So, why are we going to this particular place?" Abby asked once they were on the train. 

"Erm, actually, we're meeting someone there." 

"Ooh, anyone exciting?" 

"Depends." 

"On what?" 

"Your viewpoint." Susan looked slightly uncomfortable. "Erm, I tracked down Kevin for you. I thought you might like to see him, and you know." She shrugged. "If you don't want to we don't have to go though." 

"Does he know I'm pregnant?" 

"No. But I thought maybe it would be good for you to have someone, and so I tracked him down, and..." 

"Susan, I can't tell him. I know you mean well, but this has nothing to do with him." 

"He's the father of your baby Abby." 

"No he's not." 

"What do you mean?" 

"He's not the father of my baby." 

"You...you slept with someone else?" Susan wasn't sure how to react. She wanted to support her friend, but she was shocked at this revelation. 

"No Susan." 

"I don't understand." 

"Carter's the father." 

"But you said..." 

"I know what I said. I chickened out. I told Carter I was pregnant, and he sounded so excited, I couldn't tell him it was his. He'd want to be a happy little family, and that wouldn't be good for him. He can do so much better." 

"Well, I guess you don't want to see Kevin? Some best friend I am then. Screwed up on that one didn't I?" 

"You're the best best friend there is. You didn't screw up, you were just trying to help me. Really, I appreciate it." 

*** 

_"Vanessa," Carter announced, looking up from his book. _

"What?" 

"I like the name Vanessa." He held up the book to show her he was reading a baby name book. "I think we should call our baby Vanessa." 

"And what if it's a boy?" 

"I mean if it's a girl. What do you think?" He looked at her pleadingly. 

"I don't know. I never really thought of the name before, it's not exactly one of my top ten. Anyway, you've been stuck on Rose or Miriam for the last three weeks." 

"Yeah, but I didn't know what Vanessa meant before." Abby rolled her eyes. 

"We're going to name our child by the meaning, not by a name we like?" 

"It is a name I like. I like the name because of the meaning." 

"Okay, spill it. What does it mean? And if it means 'muppet' then I will shoot you." 

"Hey baby, Mummy's making fun of your nickname!" 

"John..." 

"Okay, okay! It means butterfly." 

"Butterfly?" 

"Yup." He nodded to emphasise his point. "Cute, don't you think?" 

"As in butterflies and tornadoes?" 

"Mummy has a good memory too." 

"Stop calling me Mummy!" she complained, rolling her eyes once again. 

"It's cute! Anyway, I'm just educating the baby, making sure it knows who its Mummy is." 

"I think it'll know John." 

"Okay, sorry." He looked a little dejected, and Abby couldn't help feeling sorry for him. 

"Aww, cheer up! In four months the baby will be born, and then you can call me Mummy all you want." He seemed to perk up a little at that. 

"So, what do you think of Vanessa?" 

"It's a cute idea." 

"Exactly! I'll have my tornado and my butterfly." 

"Actually Abigail means Joy of God." 

"You know what I mean!" he laughed, sticking his tongue out at her. "But you like the name?" 

"I don't know John. I like the idea, but I'm not sure about the name. Are there any other names that mean butterfly?" He looked down at his book momentarily, finding an answer for her. 

"Not unless you want to call her Kimimela, or something similar!" he announced, and they both laughed. "What do you like if you don't like Vanessa then?" 

"I don't know..." 

"You never suggest anything Abby. You must have an opinion!" 

"I know, I just...I don't want to label my kid before we know what sex it is. Plus, what if she doesn't look like a Vanessa when she's born?" 

"You must have some names you like," he prompted, watching her expectantly. 

"I don't know..." 

"Come on Abby! It's not going to jinx it to say a name or anything." 

"Okay...but don't laugh." 

"I promise." 

"Well, I always kind of liked Eva or Eve." 

"Why would I laugh at that? They're beautiful names." 

"I don't know..." 

"Let me look up the meaning!" he announced, thumbing through the pages. 

"For goodness sake John!" 

"What? You don't want to name our daughter 'dog poop' or something by mistake, do you?" 

"Well you want to name our daughter after chaos theory, which is almost as weird if you ask me!" 

*** 

For the next two weeks, every time Carter and Abby were in the same room as each other Susan would give Abby a little wink, as if encouraging her to tell him. Abby was sick and tired of it. She knew her friend just wanted to help, but she didn't want Carter to think he had any right to this kid. He would try to help her. She didn't need helping. She could do this alone. 

"Abby, could you start a Tazocin IV for Mrs. Cooper, please?" Carter asked, signing off a chart on the patient they'd just been working on in the trauma room. He looked round the rest of the room, smiling at everyone. "Well done guys, we did good on this one. I'll be in the lounge if you need me." And with that he turned and left the room. 

Abby moved to set up the IV, and was nudged by Susan, who proceeded to wink at her. "Oh Susan, for goodness sake!" 

"What? I just think you should say something." 

"Err, Susan...?" She glanced about the room, indicating the other people who were listening in. Chuny and Lydia both looked down at the floor, slightly guilty, before making their excuses and leaving. 

"Okay, now we can talk about it." 

"I don't know what you want me to say to him!" 

"I'm sorry Carter, I love you, and I'm having your baby." 

"You're crazy." Abby rolled her eyes. 

"You're the crazy one for giving up the best man ever!" 

"Why don't you have him, if you think he's so great," Abby joked. 

"Don't think Chuck would be too pleased," Susan laughed, helping her friend hook the IV bags up. "Come on, humour me. Tell him." 

"Susan, this is a very important decision that has to be made, it can't just be made in a split second." 

"So you might tell him soon?" 

"No Susan, he's not finding out. And don't you dare tell him either." 

"But you just said it's a decision that can't be made in a split second!" Susan moaned checking Mrs. Cooper's vitals as they talked. 

"I didn't make it in a split second, I decided nearly four months ago." 

"I just..." 

"Look, thanks for being concerned and all that, you're a great friend. I just don't feel right telling him." 

*** 

_"One dollar to enter!" Jerry announced, putting a pot with the words "Baby Bet" on the side down on the admit desk. "Guess date, time, sex, weight and name." _

"Ooh, I'll enter!" Chuny announced as she came up to the desk. "One dollar, right?" 

"Yup. Half the money goes to the winner, and half on a baby gift." 

"Aww, that's cute Jerry," Susan laughed, joining them. "Never knew you had the heart to come up with something like that." 

"Haha, funny Dr. Lewis." 

"Okay, what do we write our guesses on then?" 

"Err, you can't enter," Jerry explained. 

"Why not?!" 

"Best friends with the expectant parents. We have no way of knowing what they've told you." 

"Oh of course, I forgot. It's going to be a girl, born at 5:27 in the morning, weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces, and she will be called Elfriede Gertrude. You know, Abby told me." 

"I told you what?" Jerry quickly moved the "Baby Bet" pot to underneath the desk, and the trio turned to smile shyly at Abby. 

"Err, hi Abby." 

"What did I tell you, Susan?" 

"Well, I..." 

"She was just telling us how you told her all about how your morning sickness stopped a few months ago," Chuny bluffed, and Susan and Jerry nodded enthusiastically. 

"Why don't I believe you?" 

"You should trust your best friend, Abby. We were just talking about the pregnant woman in curtain two, and it came up in discussion." 

"Susan, there is a ninety year old man in curtain two," Abby announced, looking up at the board. 

"Oh..." 

"Okay guys, you can drop the act. Have you got a baby pool going?" 

"Wasn't my idea..."Jerry muttered, turning away and suddenly finding his computer very interesting. 

"Oh, I don't mind," Abby replied. "And I'm sure my daughter won't mind when I tell her she was the subject of a bet. Poor little Elfriede Gertrude." 

"You heard, didn't you?" 

"Yup," Abby nodded solemnly, and the trio before her all looked immensely guilty. She couldn't help but giggle. "Oh my goodness, you three look so funny, all guilty about nothing!" 

*** 

"Susan, can we go home please?" Abby moaned as Susan pulled yet another baby outfit off the rail and held it up for Abby to inspect. 

"We're baby shopping, you can't just give up. Bump's going to need loads of stuff when he or she is born." 

"Yeah, in four months time." 

"Less that four months," Susan corrected, holding up some blue corduroy dungarees with a duck on the front. "What about these? Aren't they adorable?" 

"And what if the baby's a girl?" 

"Oh come on, a girl can wear blue dungarees." 

"Yeah, but everyone will think she's a boy." 

"Hmm..." Susan pondered this for a moment. "You know, you're right. It must be that maternal instinct! Right, we'll find a pretty pink dress, and get both. Then at least the baby will have one outfit when it's born." 

"Susan, really, it's not worth the fuss." 

"Oh come on, this is a Carter kid, it's got to have some nice clothes." 

"Just because the baby has Carter blood that does not mean he or she is a Carter," Abby stated bitterly. "I'm a nurse. I will buy what I can buy on a nurse's salary. Not what could be bought with a mega-millionaire's money. And my baby will be happy with what he or she has, because he or she will be brought up to realise that money doesn't make you happy." 

"I totally agree," Susan stated, replacing the dungarees on the rail. "After all, it's family that's important, right?" Abby nodded, glad she'd got her point across. 

"Thanks Susan, I...hang on, you're going to start going on about how the babies father should be included in that family, aren't you?" 

"I wasn't going to say a thing!" Susan raised her hands in a 'surrender' motion. "I'm not talking about that Carter guy anymore. As far as I'm aware, you never even slept with him." 

*** 

_"You would never guess what was going on at work today," Abby said, as they were wandering around the shopping centre later that day, looking at baby essentials. _

"What?" 

"They started some betting pool, about our baby." 

"Only just? I thought they would have had it going for ages!" They both laughed. "So, anything important I should know about our baby?" 

"Well, it's going to be a 7 pound 3 ounce girl, called Elfriede Gertrude, apparently." 

"Delightful." 

"My reaction exactly! They could have come up with a nice name to give us some ideas, I thought." 

"We have a name. Our little Vanessa." He put a hand protectively over her stomach. 

"First, I didn't agree to that name. And second, what if it's a boy?" 

"Well, according to the betting it's a girl," he joked. 

"Carter..." 

"Okay, well we'll think up a boy's name." 

"Like?" Abby queried, picking up and inspecting a pack of baby spoons. 

"I don't know...Henry?" 

"No!" Abby exclaimed. "I don't want my son to be called Henry. It sounds all posh and formal." 

"Okay, what about Philip?" 

"I don't know, maybe." She shrugged. "Here, we'll take these," she added, handing him the spoons. "They change colour to show you the temperature. Isn't that cool?" 

"Yeah, great. So what's your favourite name for our little muppet if she's a boy?" 

"If she's a boy? I think you're getting a bit muddled up." 

"No I'm not!" He laughed, and placed a quite kiss on her forehead. "I just know that she's a girl." 

*** 


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, it's really encouraging to know what you all think! :-D Here's the next part, hope you enjoy, and as always any comments are appreciated. :)_

* 

Abby moved herself in the bed, trying to find a comfortable position. Which was pretty much impossible. As soon as she thought she was lying in a way such that she would be able to sleep the baby would start up its kicking again, or shift position, and she would be forced to start her search for the perfect position all over again. "Come on baby," she mumbled. "Just let Mummy sleep." Thump. Thump. More kicking. She would probably have to get up to go to the toilet in a moment. This totally sucked. "Do you want to be born today? That would be really good for me." She placed a hand over her stomach, sighing loudly. A week late already. Why her? She knew most babies were late, but she was sick and tired of this whole pregnancy thing. 

As the baby shifted position once more she decided this whole thing of trying to sleep was futile. She pulled herself out of bed, and made her way towards the bathroom. After using the toilet, she would have a nice relaxing bath, and then sit in front of the TV watching early morning NewsRadio reruns or something similar. Where she would stay until the morning, when some terrible chat show came on, and she would have to sift through her video collection for something she hadn't seen a million times already in the last few weeks. Then, sometime in the afternoon Susan would come round, and tell her all sorts of exciting stories about work. They'd eat dinner together, then Susan would go home and the whole cycle would start again. Abby sighed. Such fun. 

*** 

_Abby lay staring at the wall, sleep completely evading her tonight. It wasn't exactly a surprise, considering the constant kicking of the baby. She couldn't help smiling at the thought of her child. The feel of Carter's arms wrapped around her, a hand resting protectively on her stomach, only increased the size of the smile. Life was good. Even if she was a week late, and getting no sleep. She wouldn't have it any other way. She shifted position slightly, and Carter's arms tightened around her, a reflex response. She sighed happily, leaning her head back against his chest. _

"What are you thinking about?" he mumbled, kissing her hair. 

"How did you know I'm awake?" 

"You always are. And anyway, you're running your hand up and down my arm. You never do that when you're asleep." 

"Sorry." 

"I wasn't complaining." She could tell he was grinning, in his half awake state. 

"Did I wake you up?" 

"It doesn't matter," he said, rubbing her belly protectively. "It's just more time to be with you two. My two favourite girls." 

"You've got to get over this girl thing," she laughed. "Otherwise you're going to be really disappointed when I give birth to a gorgeous baby boy." 

"I have complete faith in my judgement." A comfortable silence fell over them, as they enjoyed being in the company of each other. After a while, Carter spoke up again. "You still didn't answer my question." 

"What question?" 

"I asked you what you were thinking about." 

"Oh. Well, I was just thinking that it would be nice to get a good night's sleep." 

"It'll be a long time till we have one of them again," he laughed. 

"Yeah." She couldn't help smiling, despite her desire for sleep. "And I was thinking how lucky I am. To have you, and our baby." She sighed happily, placing her hand over his on her stomach. "I just wish baby would decide to be born soon." 

*** 

After having a bath Abby felt a little better. Baths always seemed to relax her at the moment, and she was glad there was one thing that did that. At least it was a start on the way to making herself more comfortable. Although as soon as she sat down on the sofa she would be permanently uncomfortable again. She hauled herself out of the bath, groaning angrily at her extra heavy weight. As she was beginning to dry herself off, she felt a trickle run down her leg. 

She froze on the spot. What was that? Had her waters just broken? She couldn't help laughing. She'd dreamt up all sorts of awkward places that her waters could break, and it had happened in her own bathroom. At least something was going good. 

After drying herself off, she went back into the bedroom and changed into some clothes. When she was ready, she gave her stomach a friendly pat. "Here goes baby." 

*** 

_"John," Abby mumbled, half awake. She was amazed that she'd managed to get to sleep at all, but now she'd been woken up suddenly. "John!" She nudged him in the stomach with her elbow. _

"Hmm?" he groaned, not really awake. 

"John, I think my waters broke." 

"That's nice," he mumbled his reply, and she could tell he hadn't even opened his eyes yet. 

"Do you think we should go to the hospital or something?" she asked, slightly amused by his lack of interest. 

"Hospital? What?" Suddenly he was awake and alert. "Did something happen? Is there something wrong with the baby?" 

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" she laughed. "My waters broke." He was up like a flash, grabbing the bag that they'd prepared to take to the hospital, and begin to pull some clothes out of the drawer for himself. "John, calm down. We've got plenty of time. I'm not planning on rushing around anyway." She slowly pulled herself out of bed, and turned around to see him stood by the dresser, t-shirts hanging out of it. "What on earth are you doing?" 

"Err..." he looked at the mess he'd just made, and shrugged. "You're right, I should calm down. I'm just kind of excited." 

"I can tell." She rolled her eyes. "You haven't got to push a baby out of you though." 

"Aren't you even a tiny bit excited?" he queried as he rearranged the t-shirts, and selected one to wear. 

"Of course I am. We're having a baby." She grinned happily. "But can I just get dressed first, please? Otherwise we're going to get to the hospital and realise we drove there in our pyjamas!" 

*** 

"Oh Abby, he's gorgeous!" Susan practically squealed. "Congratulations." 

"Thanks." She smiled shyly as she looked between Susan and her son. 

"So, does he have a name?" Susan asked, sitting down in the chair next to the bed where Abby sat holding the baby in her arms. 

"Daniel Avery Lockhart." 

"Aww, cutie pie! Hello little Daniel," she said to the baby, before turning back to Abby. "Can I hold him?" 

Abby couldn't help laughing at the excited look on her best friend's face. "You're like a little kid in a candy store!" She carefully passed her son to Susan, who seemed to have a permanent grin on her face. 

"Hey Danny." She brushed the baby's soft cheek with her finger, sighing happily. "Aren't you completely perfect?" Daniel's eyes fluttered open, staring up at her. "He's looking at me!" she informed Abby, not taking her eyes off the baby for a second. 

"I know," Abby laughed slightly. "He's amazing." 

"Do you know what, little Danny?" She continued talking to him. "I think you look just like your Daddy." 

"Susan..." For practically the first time since she'd entered the room, Susan looked up at Abby. 

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, smiling apologetically. "I just think he really does look like Carter." 

"We don't talk about Carter Susan, you know that." It was the first time he'd been mentioned in conversation for a few months. "He may be Danny's biological father, but that doesn't make him his Dad." She looked at her baby, smiling sadly. "We're fine just the two of us, aren't we gorgeous?" 

*** 

_As Abby woke up, all she could see were the grubby tiles of the hospital ceiling. She blinked momentarily, before grinning to herself. Baby. It was strange to think that the last time she'd woken up lying on a bed like this, looking at a ceiling like this one, she had thought she'd lost her baby. And now she had a beautiful baby girl. _

She turned her head to the side, to see Carter in the chair next to the bed, fast asleep, with their daughter asleep on his chest. He had a hand on her back, supporting her gently against him. Already the perfect father. She'd never seen him looking as proud as he had since her birth. His little angel. Abby could already tell she was going to be a Daddy's girl. Watching them together, she wouldn't have it any other way. She could tell life was going to be just perfect. 

The first moment she'd seen her daughter, she knew she was in love for life. One of those stupid little cliqués that she'd always told herself she would never be. Except now it seemed so right and perfect. Seeing her daughter, it didn't matter anymore that John was going to call her muppet. It suddenly seemed cute and adorable. And it didn't matter that she wasn't sure about the name. Vanessa. She'd tried it out so many times while she was pregnant. Vanessa Carter. Ever since John had suggested it she had been sceptical. But now the name seemed perfect. She couldn't imagine her daughter being called anything else. Vanessa Eve Carter. 

Just then Vanessa started to stir. She pulled herself into a more upright position, preparing herself to take her daughter as soon as she started to fuss, so Carter wasn't woken up. But the second she made a movement, he tightened his grip on her slightly, and his eyelids slowly opened, blinking at the harsh light of the room. So instinctive. She smiled happily, watching him pat Vanessa's back in an attempt to lull her back to sleep before she started fussing. 

"Okay Nessa," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. "Time to go back to sleep I think, my little muppet." As if ignoring her father, Vanessa began to fuss more, and within a few seconds she was wailing impatiently. He looked up at Abby, and grinned. She found herself returning the smile, which made her laugh slightly. They had a baby. And that baby crying was a reminder of what an amazing thing they had. 

"Let me take her," she said, reaching out for Vanessa. As much as she loved watching John being a Dad, and looking after their little girl, she wanted a chance to be a Mummy too. 

"Okay, see if you'll be quiet for Mummy," he said, carefully passing her over. 

"Hey darling. What's the matter?" She rocked her gently, but Vanessa didn't seem to quieten down. She turned her head angrily towards her mother's chest, and Abby grinned, before looking up at Carter. "She's hungry." She looked back to her daughter again, unhooking her nightshirt. "I can't get over how amazing she is." 

*** 


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's note: Thanks for the reviews. Sorry this chapter has been so long in coming. I've been away, and then working on stuff for exams. But we're kinda on the home straight now, so I'll try and get the new chapters out a little quicker._

* 

"I think you've seen him about as much as me in the last two days," Abby laughed as Susan came into her room for another visit. 

"And? Auntie Susan has to make sure Danny's behaving for his Mum." 

"He's an angel." Abby grinned, looking down at the baby in the crib next to the bed. "Can you do me a favour though? I really want a shower, can you watch him for me?" 

"Yeah, sure!" Susan grinned enthusiastically. Abby laughed: she'd known Susan would be pleased with her request. "See, there's a use to me coming." 

"I didn't say I didn't like you coming." She got off the bed, and collected some toiletries, and then waited for a nurse who came and led her to the bathroom. She'd protested earlier that she didn't need an escort, but apparently it was 'hospital policy'. 

"Looks like it's just you and me then," Susan said to Danny, who was staring up at her. "Ooh, you want a cuddle? Okay, I'm sure Mummy won't mind if we just have a quick one." She lifted him out of the crib, and then sat down on the chair with him cradled in her arms. "Well this is nice, isn't it?" she remarked, giggling to herself. "You are a little angel, you know that Danny? And no matter what Mummy says, you look just like your Daddy. You get that? Don't listen to Mummy, she's silly. She thinks that you two are better off without your Daddy. And that he's better off without you. Silly, huh?" All the while she was making silly baby faces at Danny, who continued to watch her contentedly. "Oh dear, you are going to be a heartbreaker my little man. You're far too gorgeous, just like your Dad. You didn't meet him yet, but he's really good looking. I wouldn't say no to him. Oh, hang on, I already did!" she laughed. "But that was because I knew he loved your Mummy. And he still does. They're both just completely hopeless. Mummy thinks you two are better off without Daddy, and that he's better off without you two. And Daddy's too scared to tell Mummy he still loves her. And do you know what else? Daddy doesn't even know that he's your Daddy! Now that's silly. He would love you so, so much. And you would be spoilt, and have everything you could possibly want. Not that you'd need it, because you have the best Mummy and Daddy in the world..." 

"Susan?" She jumped slightly at the sound of the voice coming from the doorway. She looked away from Danny towards it, and saw Carter standing there, looking slightly awkward and very confused. Had he overheard her talking to Danny? 

"Err, hi Carter! Come in." 

"Where's Abby?" 

"She went for a shower. She shouldn't be long, you can wait here for her." 

"Oh no, it's okay." His eyes were fixed on Danny, never leaving him for a second. "I shouldn't have come. She won't want to see me. I just...I wanted to give her these." He held up a bunch of flowers. 

"Well, if you don't want to stay I'll take them and give them to her." 

"No!" he exclaimed, looking away from Danny and back towards Susan. "I mean...can you not tell her I was here? It's...well, it's not worth the hassle. She'll just be mad at me." With that he turned and left, leaving Susan alone with Danny again. 

"See what I mean? Silly Mummy and Daddy." 

*** 

_"Auntie Susan's come to visit again!" Susan announced as she walked into Abby's hospital room. She waved enthusiastically to Vanessa who was in Abby's arms, before looking curiously around the room. "Where's Daddy?" _

"Went to get himself some dinner. Seems the only thing that can tear him away from her is his stomach." 

"Ah, he loves her, he doesn't mean it to seem like anything..." 

"It's not a bad thing!" Abby laughed. "Means I get a chance to cuddle my daughter other than when she's feeding. He's all over her." 

"I guess I won't ask for a cuddle just yet then," Susan laughed, winking at Abby. She took a seat in the chair next to the bed. "I don't suppose Carter will mind me stealing his seat. Well, it's tough anyway!" She reached into her bag, and pulled out a package, which she handed to Abby. 

"What's this?" 

"Open it and see." Making sure Vanessa was still safely held in her arms, Abby carefully pulled the bright pink wrapping paper off, to reveal a box. She looked at it curiously. "Look inside the box!" Susan enthused. Opening the box, Abby found a little money box. It had pictures of rabbits around the bottom in a border, and 'Vanessa Eve Carter' written around it in gold lettering. 

"Oh Susan, that's gorgeous! Thank you so much. Hey, look at this Ness," she said, looking down at her daughter. "You got a money box from Auntie Susan, isn't it gorgeous?" 

"Abby, she's asleep." 

"Oh you're one to talk!" Abby laughed, passing Susan the money box to put safely on the table in the corner. 

"Well it's not my fault she's always asleep when I come. And I have to talk to her sometime. She sleeps far too much." 

"She's two days old, they tend to sleep." 

"Ah, you're far too practical!" Susan laughed. "I think your Mummy must know everything about babies, Vanessa." 

"Ooh look, there you go talking to her when she's asleep. And I don't know everything about babies." 

"Well you're pretty damned good at being a Mummy." Abby blushed, and couldn't help the grin spreading across her face. 

"Thanks, but I just...I just try my best and do what feels right. I hope I'm good enough for her." 

"You are the best. I always knew you'd be a great Mum, but you've taken to it so well. You look so comfortable and happy with her. And you always seem to know what she needs and when she needs it. She loves you so much already, too." 

"I hope so." Abby smiled, looking down at her daughter contentedly. "She's going to be such a Daddy's girl though. Which is great, he's amazing with her. But sometimes I worry that she'll be too attached to him, and I won't get a look in. I worry that she won't want to know me. I want my daughter to be able to come to me with any problems she has, you know? That's what Mum's are supposed to do." 

"And she will. Don't worry about Carter. I know he loves her to pieces, but he also loves you, and he knows you love her too. He wouldn't let her not be attached to you," Susan reassured her. "Anyway, I think she's going to be mad on her Mummy!" 

*** 

"You all ready to go, then?" Susan asked as Abby pulled her coat on, and picked up the carrycot with Danny in. 

"Yup, I sure am." Susan grabbed her bag, and they headed out the door. "Bye Sarah!" she called to the nurse as they left. Once they were outside the hospital she breathed a big sigh of relief. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, I was just beginning to feel a bit enclosed, and like I was never going to get out of there. It's nice enough having people there to help you all the time, but I want to be able to look after him for myself, not have to rely on other people to do it. I need to prove to myself I can be a mother without needing back up down the corridor." 

"Fair enough. But you don't need to prove you can be a mother, you're a great one already." Susan unlocked the door of the car, and helped Abby strap Danny's carrycot in. Once they were all sorted out she began the drive back to Abby's apartment. When they arrived, they sat outside in the car for a moment, both staring at the door. 

"This is weird," Abby commented. "I'm not sure whether I can go in there. It's like, this is it. This is the start of everything, really. Just me and Danny, in my little apartment, looking after ourselves." 

"I'm only a phone call away if you need anything. Come on, let's go in." She opened the car door, and lifted Danny out of the carrycot. "Here, you want to take him?" she asked, handing him to Abby, who held him closely to her as they made their way into the apartment building. 

"You like the look of this?" she whispered to Danny as they made their way up the stairs. She felt around in her pocket and eventually found her keys, which she handed over to Susan to open the door with. They stepped inside, and she looked around. Nothing had changed in here. But everything had changed. 

"Okay?" Susan asked, and Abby nodded. 

"Yeah, I just...what if I'm not good enough?" 

"Abby, he's a week old and you've been amazing for that week. You've been his Mum for nine months already. Of course you're good enough." 

"Yeah..." She sighed, sitting herself down on the sofa. "It's so stupid. I know I'm being stupid, and I know you think I'm being stupid. But I can't help it. I know that all a baby needs is its mother, and I know the two of us are going to be just fine together. But I can't help thinking I'm going to screw it up sometime, and there will be nothing to fall back on." She had tears in her eyes now. "Everything good that ever happened to me, I managed to screw it up." 

"Carter?" Abby nodded. 

"And Eric, and med school, and...just everything." She sniffed, wiping at her eyes. "But all those things...they mattered. They mattered so much. But Danny. If I did anything that would hurt him, or screw his life up, I would never ever be able to forgive myself." 

"You won't do anything Abby, I promise. And I told you, I'm here if you need me, yeah?" Abby nodded uncertainly. "And you know, if you're worried about doing this alone, I know someone who would be willing to help you out..." Abby opened her mouth to protest, but Susan lifted a hand to silence her. "I know I said it a thousand times. And you probably think I'm a stuck record, but it's true. You feel terrible, and you don't want to see him. I understand that. But can you just consider the fact that he loves you, and he would love Danny just as much as you do?" 

"I want to," she admitted, for the first time since the break up. "I want so much just to let him love us both, and to be a family. But I can't do that to him." 

"Err, Abby? I have a confession to make." Susan looked down at her hands, fiddling with her nails. "I...a few days ago, when I was looking after Danny while you went to have a shower, Carter came up. I didn't know he was there, and I was talking to Danny about...well, about you and Carter." She bit her lip nervously. "I don't know how long he was standing there before I saw him. But...well, he might have heard. I'm really, really sorry." 

*** 

_"Home sweet home," Carter announced cheerily as he opened the door to their apartment. He held the door open for Abby who was holding Vanessa. "Feel good to be back?" _

"It'll be nice to sleep in my own bed, and not have nurses checking I'm okay all the time," she replied as he shut the door. 

"Yeah, you just have your own personal doctor checking up on you." He placed a kiss on the top of her head, before gently taking Vanessa out of her arms. "So, what do you think of your home?" Abby sat down on the sofa, leaving her husband talking to their daughter. 

"I don't think she's quite old enough to talk yet," she laughed. 

"Aww, we'll soon have you babbling away, right Nessie?" 

"John, don't call her that!" 

"What?" 

"Nessie." 

"Why not?" 

"Because it sounds like she's the Loch Ness Monster!" 

"I think it's cute." 

"I think it's stupid. Please, can we not call her Nessie?" 

"Okay, sorry." He put Vanessa down in the bassinet in the corner, and then joined Abby on the sofa. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, it's good to be home. I'm sorry, I shouldn't snap. I just don't want my daughter to get teased." 

"Can you really see me allowing that?" he asked, putting an arm around her and pulling her towards him. "If any kid dares to make fun of our daughter there's gonna be trouble." 

"You're gonna be one of those annoying, overprotective Dad's, aren't you?" Abby asked, leaning happily into his embrace. 

"I don't want to be annoying. I just want to make sure my butterfly has the best there is, and that she knows she's loved." 

"I didn't say I had a problem with you being protective," Abby smiled. "It's kind of endearing. But you're not going to start calling her butterfly are you?" 

"Maybe...it's kind of cute, don't you think?" 

"I don't know. I just think we should stick to calling her Vanessa, or Ness, or Nessa. Not muppet, or butterfly. And definitely not Nessie." 

"All kids have pet names though. We have to call her something cute," he protested. 

"Yeah, 'sweetie' sounds good to me," Abby joked. "Seriously though...you can call her whatever you want. Just not when she's seventeen and got her boyfriend round for dinner!" 

"Seventeen? I don't want to even think about that...she'll be so grown up!" 

*** 


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's note: I'll be brief for once. Thanks for the reviews, sorry it took so long, I know I always say it will be quicker. I'm a bad bad Jo. Hope you enjoy Chapter 10, I'd love to know what you think. Jo xx_

* 

Abby picked up the phone receiver, and put it to her ear. She stared at the keypad on the phone, and reached out a hand. It hovered over the number 5, ready to dial. She knew the number she needed off by heart. It would be so easy to just press the numbers. 568-6452. She'd recited it in her head so many times. 568-6452. Easy. 

She slammed the phone down. It was far from easy. In fact, this was probably the hardest phone call she'd ever made. The phone had already been up and down several times this evening. She had to do it. She wanted to do it. But she couldn't. 568-6452. Sighing, she picked the phone up again, and stared at the numbers. If she just pressed them, then it would be taken out of her hands and they'd have to talk...she reached out her finger, and pressed the 5 firmly. Her hand shook as she lifted it away. That's it Abby, she told herself, just six more numbers to go. Reaching out again, she pressed the 6 and then the 8. She smiled to herself. It wasn't so hard, once she got started. Once again she reached out. 6...4...5... 

There was a wail from the bedroom. She sighed, and slammed the phone down. Danny. She was relieved that she didn't have to make this phone call right now. But part of her wished she'd just been able to press that last number, and be forced to do it. Right here, right now. She made her way into the bedroom, and lifted Danny out of his crib. "Hey baby," she whispered to him, and she rocked him gently. "You just saved Mummy from a very awkward phone call, you did." 

She walked out into the living room, continuing to rock him, and positioned herself comfortably on the sofa. "Is Mummy's little boy hungry?" she asked, unbuttoning her shirt. "Well that's better isn't it sweetie?" She stroked his back lovingly as he fed, watching him happily. As she looked up from her son, her gaze caught the phone once again. Just next to her on the table. Glaring up at her, as if it was telling her to call. She stared at it, half in longing, and half in absolute terror. The phone represented everything she wanted to do, but also didn't want to do, and everything that she couldn't do. 

Suddenly it rang, making her jump. Her immediate thought was that it was him. But why would it be? He had no reason to call her. Hands shaking, she reached for the receiver. "Hello, Abby Lockhart." 

"Hi Abby, it's me!" Susan's cheerful voice answered, and Abby breathed a sigh of relief. She was sure she'd never been so happy to hear Susan's voice. 

"Oh hey Susan." 

"You sound like you weren't expecting it to be me." 

"Yeah, I...err, I wasn't really expecting anyone, it just made me jump when I heard the phone, that's all." 

"Okay..." Susan sounded slightly confused, but didn't ask anymore. "What are you up to?" 

"Feeding Danny." 

"Oh, okay." 

"What do you want Susan?" 

"I just wanted to talk about...well, about Carter." Abby sighed. She should have known. 

"Yes?" 

"Did you talk to him yet?" Well that was the million dollar question. It wasn't that she hadn't tried. It was just so hard. But she wasn't sure how to make Susan understand that. 

"I...I was about to ring when Danny started crying." 

"Abby!" Susan exclaimed, clearly not believing her friend. "Please Abby, you have to speak to him." 

"I know I do! But it's so hard. I'm trying Susan, really." 

"Why don't you ring him now?" 

"Because I'm on the phone to you." Abby rolled her eyes. 

"Yeah, I'll go and do something productive and leave you alone to ring Carter." 

"I don't know Susan

" 

"I know you don't want to do this. But think of Danny. Surely he deserves for all this to be sorted out?" Ah, the guilt trip. Abby looked down at her son, and sighed sadly. It was working already. She knew he would want to know when he was older. And she knew he would hate her forever if she hid anything from him. 

"Yes, but..." 

"Good!" Susan interrupted, not allowing Abby to continue with her 'but'. "I'll go now then. Talk to you soon! And give Danny a big hug for me." Susan had hung up before Abby even had a chance to say goodbye. 

"What are we going to do with your Auntie Susan?" she asked Danny as she replaced the receiver. "She's got all these great schemes, and I don't know what to do." She watched her son feeding, and couldn't help but feel that she really had to ring. Right now. 

Before she had a chance to change her mind she grabbed the phone and dialled the numbers, quicker than before. 568-6452. It began to ring. She bit her lip, and watched Danny nervously. 

_"John Carter."_ The air caught in her throat as she heard his voice. He was really on the other end of the phone. She couldn't believe she'd done this. _"Hello?"_ he asked, and she realised that she had been silent for far too long. She had to say something. Her mouth opened to speak, but nothing would come out. She'd thought long and hard about what she should say at this moment, but now she couldn't remember any of it. _"Is anyone there?"_

She slammed the phone down as tears formed in her eyes. Why was this so hard? All she wanted was to give Carter and Danny the best lives they could have. The only problem was that she was certain the best life for Danny was with Carter, and yet the best life for Carter was away from her. 

*** 

_"Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird, and if that mockingbird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass," Abby sang to Vanessa as she rocked back and forwards in the rocking chair, trying to get her daughter to sleep. Every time she thought she was asleep, she would get up to put her in the crib, and Vanessa would wake up and start to fuss again. "If that looking glass gets broke, Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat, and if that billy goat don't pull, Mama's gonna buy you a cart and mule. And if that cart and mule turn over, Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover." She stopped singing and watched her daughter's chest rise and fall with the deep breaths that usually indicated sleep. She brushed a finger over the soft skin of the baby's cheek, and sighed happily. Maybe she was finally asleep. _

Carefully, she began to stand up, making sure not to disturb Vanessa. As she took a step across the room, Vanessa made a slight movement, so Abby quickly started rocking her and singing again, attempting to keep her asleep. "And if that dog named Rover won't bark, Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart." She put Vanessa down into the crib, and held her breath waiting to see if she would cry. After a few seconds with no sound, she breathed a sigh of relief. Vanessa's small thumb somehow managed to find her mouth, and Abby grinned as she reached down and stroked her daughter's cheek. "If that horse and cart fall down, then you'll be the sweetest little baby in town." 

She allowed her hand to linger for a moment longer, before taking one last look at her daughter and then turning and leaving her room. Joining Carter on the sofa, she sighed loudly. "I thought she would never go to sleep." 

"I could have had a go, if you wanted." 

"She's asleep now. Anyway, I think passing her between us would have been the worst thing we could have done." 

"Stubborn little girl, doesn't want to go to bed when she's meant to," he laughed as Abby snuggled up next to him. 

"Yeah. Or maybe she just wanted to hear Mummy's terrible singing. That girl's going to be traumatised when she grows up." 

"You've been singing nursery rhymes to her?" he asked, smiling happily. He loved it when Abby did cute motherly type things, and singing nursery rhymes to their daughter was just perfect. 

"Yup, I just got finished with hush little baby." 

"The mockingbird one?" She nodded. 

"And before that she had the privilege of hearing my renditions of Baa Baa Black Sheep and I've Got A Baby Bumble Bee." 

"I've Got A Baby Bumble Bee?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah. You know: I've got a baby bumble bee," she began to sing. "Won't my Mummy be surprised at me, I've got a baby bumble bee, oo-ee, the bee stung me." 

"You sang that to our daughter? Isn't that for, like 8 year olds to do with loads of disgusting actions?" 

"I have a limited repertoire!" she protested. 

"Yeah, I can see that." 

"I'd like to see you try better." 

"Well, as a matter of fact, we do rather enjoy a round of This Little Piggy when we've finished with diaper changing." 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah, you know the one?" She shook her head. "Give me your hand." 

"What?" 

"Give me your hand." She looked at him curiously, before holding out her hand for him. He held it, palm up, in his and began pointing at her fingers for each piggy. "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, and this little piggy had none. And this little piggy went wee-wee-wee, all the way home!" She giggled loudly as he ran his fingers up her arm and tickled her. 

"What was that for?!" 

"It's part of the rhyme." 

"You do that to Ness?" 

"She's likes it." He shrugged. 

"She's five weeks old." 

"Hey, if she's old enough to be traumatised by your singing then she's old enough to enjoy my games." 

"Fair enough." She rested her head on his shoulder, smiling happily to herself. 

"What are you grinning about?" 

"I was just thinking about us. And how a couple of years ago you wouldn't have let me sing. And now you love me doing it." 

"I seem to recall that you did sing to me." 

"And you tried to stop me." She sat herself up slightly. "Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite..." 

"I hope you don't sing that to Vanessa!" 

"And the thought of loving you is getting so exciting..." 

"Abby!" 

"Sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight." He rolled his eyes at her. "Come on, join in! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafternoon delight!" 

"Abby, shut up," he demanded, laughing. 

"Why?" 

"Because I can't kiss you when you're singing." 

*** 


	11. Chapter 11

_Author's note at the end._

ooo

"Hello stranger!" Susan greeted Abby as she entered the lounge in the ER, carrying Danny in his baby seat. "Welcome back." 

"Thanks." She handed the baby seat to Susan, as she opened her locker and took her coat and bag off. 

"So, how does it feel to be back?" 

"I wouldn't know, I'm not back for another..." She looked at her watch. "Seven minutes! Just enough time to go upstairs and get him settled in daycare." She undid the belt on the baby seat, and lifted her son out. "You ready to go and make lots of new friends?" She slung the diaper bag over her shoulder, and began to leave the room. 

"Abby, you forgot the baby seat." 

"Oh..." She looked at herself, assessing how she would carry it, before deciding it probably wasn't possible unless she put Danny back into it. And she'd already had enough trouble getting him to co-operate before leaving the house. "Erm, I'll just leave it in here. They won't need it up in daycare. I'll be back down in seven minutes." 

"Six now!" she heard Susan call as she walked out the door and made her way towards the elevators. 

"Uh, hey Abby," she was greeted by Carter who was stood waiting for the elevator. 

"Hey." She pressed the button for the floor she needed, not looking up at him. 

"You back already?" 

"Yeah, I start at eight." The elevator doors opened and they both stepped inside. 

"Err, how old is he now?" Carter asked as the lift began to move off. Both of them had their eyes fixed on the floor, not wanting to look up at each other. 

"Six weeks." 

"Didn't you want more time off?" 

"Maternity leave doesn't pay the bills." 

"I could help with that, if you wanted," he suggested, risking looking up at her. 

"Why? You don't owe me anything. I was the one who ended it, why do you feel like you have to help me?" she demanded, looking up at him too. 

"Because, I..." he motioned towards Danny. "I feel like..." 

"You have to give me money because I've got a baby?" she snapped, interrupting him. "You are one strange guy John Carter." Danny began to cry, obviously shocked by his mother's angry voice. She bounced him in her arms, whispering to him. "Okay sweetie, don't cry. Mummy's here. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." 

As the doors opened on her floor, she exited the elevator without looking at Carter. "Abby!" he called after her, and she turned around to hear what he had to say as the doors began to close. "I think you're a great Mum." 

After the doors had closed she continued to stare at them. She wasn't sure what to think. Did he just feel some obligation towards her? Or had he overheard Susan? "Daniel Lockhart, your Mummy is a fool. So if I ever try to give you advice, don't listen to me okay?" She turned away from the elevator and made her way to daycare. 

"Hello, you must be Abby!" an enthusiastic worker greeted her as she walked in the door. She looked at Danny and grinned at him in that way that people only grin at babies. "And you must be Daniel." 

"Yeah, that's right. It's Danny mostly, though." 

"Oh right. Danny. I'm Sandra." She held out a hand for Abby to shake, before laughing. "I am sorry, of course you don't have a free hand! That's the problem with babies, isn't it?" 

"Yeah," Abby replied cautiously. "His diapers and other changing stuff is in here," she said, slinging the diaper bag off her shoulder. "And there's some bottles of milk too. Plus his teddy." 

"Okay, everything sounds great." Sandra held out her arms for Danny, and Abby carefully passed him over. He immediately became agitated. "Ooh dear," she cooed as she bounced him up and down. This only seemed to cause his cries to increase. "Is this going to be first time away from Mum?" 

"Yup." Abby watched her son, desperately wanting to take him and calm him down. "I could calm him down before I leave, so he's quiet for you." 

"We usually find it's best if Mum just leaves, they usually get used to it quickest that way." 

"Right. Of course." She stared at him sadly, feeling completely useless. "Well, I'm in the ER if you need me for anything. Anything at all." She smiled at Danny for a moment. "I'll see you later gorgeous." Then she turned and left, making her way along the corridor as quickly as she could. Maybe if she got down to the ER and started working she could get through today quicker, and would be able to forget about the fact that she had left her son with a complete stranger. 

"Danny all settled then?" Susan asked as she approached admit. 

"Yeah..." 

"You don't seem very happy." 

"No, it's fine, I just...I left my son screaming his head off, with a woman who was far too bubbly and happy for her own good, who told me it was best if I just left." She sighed angrily. "I can't believe I just left him up there." 

"It does get easier," Susan offered comfort. "I never really liked leaving Susie up there, but we both got used to it. He'll stop screaming." 

"Thanks. So, what have we got today? I need something extra busy to keep myself from worrying about Danny." 

"Don't wish for a busy day, we might just get one!" Chen exclaimed as she joined them at admit. 

"I don't care, anything that makes the day go quickly." 

"How about doing some bloods for me to start the day off?" Chen handed a chart to her, which Abby studied for a moment. 

"Majorly obese forty year old guy? Wow, sounds like fun." 

"Yeah, and he's a bit of a pervert too." 

"Oh yay," Abby replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes and moving off with the chart. 

"Welcome back Abby! It's like you never left, huh?" 

ooo 

_Abby flicked channels on the TV, finally deciding on some film with Ben Affleck and Sandra Bullock. She wasn't quite sure what it was, but moving to get the TV guide required far too much energy. So she decided to just watch and find out what happened. It seemed like Ben and Sandra's characters were having some sort of affair, while his fiancée was preparing for their wedding. She laughed at the absurdity of it: movies were always either complete disasters, or overly fuzzy. Real life wasn't like that. At least, hers wasn't. Not anymore. It was just in the middle: nice and normal, without being overly cutesy, and without being disastrous at every turn. _

Deciding she couldn't be bothered with whatever this movie was, she hauled herself off of the sofa and made her way into the kitchen. She couldn't believe how quiet the apartment was. John was at work, and Vanessa was fast asleep. Since her daughter's sleeping patterns seemed to have settled down a little, she finally had a little time to herself. Not that she would complain if John was here to share it with her. 

She grabbed a tub of ice cream out of the freezer. "All About Fruit", or so its name claimed, it seemed to be some sort of frozen fruity yoghurt. It at least sounded slightly interesting, so she took a spoon out of the draw and sat down at the kitchen table with it. As she ate, she began to flick through a Mother & Baby magazine. It was amazing how much your perspective on these things changed from being pregnant to being a mother. While she was still pregnant she had read every little detail of how to do everything with your baby, making sure she learnt how to do it properly. Now she dismissed half of the points they made in their articles, having learnt that not everything works with every baby. And a Mum knows her baby better than some magazine. 

She flicked through the pages, looking at the pictures of babies. Again, when she was pregnant she had thought these babies were the most adorable things in the world. Now her daughter was the only one who was allowed that title. Looking at a picture of a mother holding her baby, grinning happily, she couldn't help but smile realising she was just like that. And it was perfect. 

ooo 

"Right, I think we're about ready to go kiddo," Abby said to Danny as she awkwardly picked up all her bags and the baby seat, with him balanced on her other arm. She was just debating how she was going to open the lounge door to get out when Malik came in, allowing her to slip through the door before it closed. 

"Abby, have you got a minute?" Carter called as she walked past admit. 

"Not really," she muttered, turning towards him. 

"Did you take Mrs. Lagon's bloods earlier?" She nodded. "I need you to sign off on the chart." 

"Didn't I do that already?" 

"Obviously not." He held the chart out towards her. 

"I don't really have a free hand." She looked down at Danny, before deciding on the quickest way to get this done. "Can you take him?" She handed him over to Carter, cautiously watching to make sure he was supported properly. After signing the chart she looked up to see Carter bouncing Danny in his arms, with Danny gurgling happily. She couldn't help thinking how perfect they looked together. Danny was content with Carter, whereas he normally fussed if she had to pass him to a stranger. It was as if he knew that Carter was his father, and it was safe to be with him. 

Tears began to form in her eyes as she thought about what could have been. If things had been a little different then Carter would be standing there, cooing at that same baby, but knowing that he was their son. 

"Are you okay, Abby?" he asked, interrupting her thoughts. 

"What?" she looked up at him, trying to blink back the tears from her watery eyes. "Yeah, sure. I'm just tired, we really need to get home." She reached out and took Danny back from him. "Erm, thanks for holding him for a moment." 

"That's okay. Susan told me he's kind of fussy with strangers, but he seems fine to me. Perfect angel, I think." 

"Yeah, something like that." She smiled weakly. "Well, we really do have to go. Goodnight." Having said that she turned and left quickly, knowing that if she stayed there with him any longer she may well burst into tears on the spot. The events of the last ten months had left her very emotional. As she turned and left, Danny began to cry. "Don't do this to me baby," she whispered to him, hugging him closer to her. "Please, I know you want your Dad, but you can't. This is for the best. Please, just be a good boy for Mummy." 

ooo 

_Looking up at the kitchen clock, Abby noticed that it was quite late for Vanessa's feed. She usually had an exact pattern of when she woke up and screamed to be fed. Unsure whether she should wake her daughter and feed her, or just be grateful for the break, Abby continued to flick through her magazine. _

After a few minutes Abby realised that if she didn't wake Vanessa up now then their whole night schedule would be disrupted. And she needed all the sleep she could get. Closing her magazine she got out of the chair, and made her way across the apartment to the nursery. She gently pushed the door open and peeped inside the darkened room. 

"Hey baby girl, time to wake up," she whispered as she walked across the room. When she reached the crib she was frozen to the spot at the sight before her. Her beautiful baby girl was lying on her back in the middle of the crib, her body still. None of the usual rising and falling of her chest. "Ness?" she exclaimed, panicking. "Vanessa, wake up!" There was still no movement from her daughter. "Oh my goodness, what do I do..." She searched through her mind, trying to remember what the best thing to do was, but as hard as she tried she couldn't remember a thing. 

By this time tears were rolling down her cheeks as she stared at her daughter. "911!" she exclaimed suddenly, not taking the time to be surprised that she hadn't thought of it before as she rushed into the living room to find the phone. "Phone...phone..." She ran around frantically looking for the handset. It was under some of these papers and magazines somewhere. Throwing them aside she finally found the handset, and hit 911 as quickly as she could. 

"911, do you require fire, police, or ambulance service." 

"Ambulance," she replied immediately, and continued before the woman could connect her. "You have to help me. It's my baby: she's not breathing." 

ooo  
  
Author's Note: So...this was meant to be one chapter, with the next one, but I decided to leave you hanging there! So it's not quite as long as usual, I don't think. Sorry about that, but the next chapter should be around fairly soon, as well as a new fic. :) Sorry about the stupid "ooo" bits between sections, too - it's the only thing fanfiction.net would let me have in there, for some reason! Thanks for the reviews. And the little reference to a Sandra Bullock and Ben Affleck film was Forces of Nature, which Maura is in (and absolutely brilliant in, too). It amuses me when Carter or Abby watch something with one of them in...what can I say, I'm easily amused. ;) 


	12. Chapter 12

_Author's note: There's just one more chapter after this. I can't quite believe I've nearly got to the end of this huge thing! But anyway, on with this chapter...some explanations coming up now, that people have been asking for since the beginning! ;) Tracey - I can totally understand your greater interest in Danny, I found his parts a lot more fun to right than Nessa's! Thanks for all the reviews so far, and I would still love to know what you think. :) Jo xx_

--- 

Abby sat in front of the TV, not really watching whatever was on. All she could think about was what had happened earlier with Carter. For that moment she had seen what it could be like. And she had to admit that she kind of liked it. Carter was such a natural father, and Danny seemed to just slip into his arms like he'd been doing it every day of his life. She so badly wanted for them to be together, to be father and son. If only it were that simple. 

She was broken from her thoughts by the sound of the buzzer indicating that there was someone at the front door of the apartment who needed to be let in by her. Who would be here to see her? Susan was working, so there certainly wasn't anyone she was expecting. She got up from her seat, and hit the intercom. "Abby Lockhart." 

_"Abby, it's John. Can I come in?"_ She froze. What was he doing here? Why would he even want to be here? _"Abby?"_

"Uh, yeah, sure," she replied hesitantly, hitting the button to release the front door. She unlatched her apartment door, and waited for him to come up. 

"Hey," he greeted her when he walked in the door, shutting it behind him. 

"Hey." 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied abruptly. "What are you doing here?" 

"I came to see if you're okay. You looked pretty upset earlier. I wanted to make sure I didn't do or say anything wrong without realising it." 

"You didn't. There was nothing wrong." 

"Then how come you looked like you were about to burst into tears at any moment?" 

"I wasn't, I was just..." She was interrupted by Danny's cries. She shrugged at him, and turned towards the bedroom. 

"Where are you going?" 

"To get my son who is crying for me," she explained, not seeing what was so hard to understand about that. 

"I'll get him." He walked past her, not giving her a chance to object. She stared after him, biting her lip nervously. The cries gradually died down, and he emerged a moment later with a much happier Danny. "He's a good kid," he remarked. 

"Yeah..." She so badly wanted to just take her son into her arms and never let him go again. But at the same time she loved to see Carter with him. 

"You know," he began as he sat down on the sofa. "I used to think all the time about what our kids would be like." She joined him on the sofa, fiddling nervously with the cushion. "They'd have a cute little nose like yours." He placed a finger on Danny's nose. "And maybe my eyes." He ran the same finger along Danny's eyebrows, smiling as the baby looked up at him. "With cute fuzzy brown hair." He brushed his hand backwards over Danny's head. "But most of all, they would be absolutely perfect. And we would both love them no matter what." He leant down to kiss Danny's forehead, and Abby gulped nervously. 

"Carter..." she began, but he shook his head to silence her. 

"On the day he was born, I came up to give you some flowers. And I heard Susan saying something to Danny which made me think. I wasn't entirely sure what she meant, but I was pretty certain. And ever since my certainty has grown. Just looking at him makes me so sure that he's everything I ever hoped for, and exactly what we deserve." 

"John, please..." She couldn't bear to hear him talking like this, she was feeling more and more guilty as he went on. Now all she wanted was for it all to be out in the open. 

"Please Abby, just tell me. I won't be angry with you. I just have to know. Is Danny my son?" A single tear trickled down her cheek, and the only way she could respond was with a single nod. 

--- 

_"Six week old baby girl on her way, Mum found her in her crib not breathing," Haleh announced as soon as she'd received the call from the ambulance. "ETA 2 minutes." _

"I'll take it!" Susan announced, reaching for some gloves. "Carter, Haleh, you're with me." They made their way out into the ambulance bay to wait for their arrival. 

"Poor mother," Carter said sadly as they stood waiting. "It makes you realise how lucky you are to go home to a healthy baby every night." Susan and Haleh both nodded their agreement as the ambulance pulled up. The doors burst open, and a paramedic jumped out. 

"You might want to get someone else on this," she announced, glancing at Carter. "Six week old female, weighs 4.7 kilograms. We intubated her on the way in." She pulled the gurney out of the ambulance, and all Carter could see was the tiny baby lying in the middle of the gurney, a tube in her mouth, looking completely helpless. 

"Ness?" 

"Okay, we got this Carter." Susan picked the baby up from the gurney and rushed inside, quickly followed by Haleh. He stared after them, unable to move. What was happening? 

"John?" Abby whispered as she climbed out of the ambulance. He turned round to look at her, and saw her face blotchy and red from tears. "I'm so sorry." 

"Oh Abby." He rushed to her and pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head repeatedly as he held her. His tears flowed into her hair as he held her, and he could feel that her own tears were drenching his shirt. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was their daughter. 

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed into his chest. "I just went into the nursery, and she wasn't breathing. It's all my fault." 

"No it's not, Abby. It's not." He hugged her tighter, not knowing what else to say. He couldn't tell her everything would be okay when he didn't even know himself. She continued to cry, gripping his arms tightly as if she could never let go. 

"All I wanted was to be a family. Us and our beautiful little girl. Was that really so much to ask?" 

--- 

Carter hadn't said a word since the moment when she'd confirmed that Danny was his son. He had gently rocked Danny until he went back to sleep, and then gone back into her bedroom and placed him in the crib. He'd been in there ever since. The door wasn't quite shut, and she could just see him sitting on the edge of the bed watching Danny sleep in his crib. She didn't know whether she should go in there or not. Looking at her watch she realised it had been at least twenty minutes. And she was beginning to feel awkward. 

She stood up, and walked towards the door, playing nervously with the bottom of her jumper. As she reached the door she could hear Carter whispering to Danny. "I love you already, little boy. And I've hardly known you're my little boy either. But I can't help but love you. You're so beautiful and perfect. Does Mummy tell you that lots? I'm sure she does." 

Abby bit on her lip as she listened. She felt like she was intruding on something private, that she had no right to hear. And now she didn't want to go in there and interrupt them. But she needed to talk to Carter. Now that he knew, there was no avoiding him. They really had to discuss this. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open and walked into the room. 

"Hi," she said when he showed no sign of knowing she was there. 

"Ssh, I don't want to wake him up," Carter responded quietly, not taking his eyes off of Danny. 

"It's not very likely. Once he's asleep he wouldn't wake up if the walls were falling down around him." She sat down next to him on the bed, making sure she left enough space between herself and Carter so that it didn't feel awkward. "Carter, we need to talk." 

"I know." Still his eyes didn't leave Danny. "He's absolutely perfect, Abby." 

"Yeah." Finally he looked towards her, and smiled sadly. 

"You want to talk then?" She nodded, and got up. He followed her through to the living area, where they both sat down on the sofa. 

"What do you want to ask?" she asked him after a moment of silence. 

"Me? You're the one who said we needed to talk." 

"Yeah." She took a deep breath. "Because I knew you probably have a load of questions for me." 

"Okay." He looked thoughtful for a moment, as if trying to decide where to start. "Well...why?" 

"Why what?" 

"Everything, Abby. Why did you leave me? Why did you lie to me about cheating on me, and drinking, and everything that you said when we first split up? And why did you pretend Danny wasn't my son?" 

"I...I'm so sorry." She closed her eyes as tears began to form in them. When she opened them again tears began to trickle down her cheeks, which she tried to wipe away angrily. "I wanted to protect you." 

"Protect me? How was that protecting me?" 

"Everything that ever mattered to me, I managed to screw up somehow. I didn't want to do that to you. You deserve better. And I thought, if I made you hate me then you wouldn't want to be anywhere near me anyway." 

"But I didn't hate you!" he protested, resisting the urge to just pull her into his arms and hug her. 

"You should have done. I was such a bitch to you." She sniffed, looking down at her hands. 

"What about Danny?" 

"I didn't exactly count on being pregnant. I knew that the easiest thing to do would be to just tell you, but I couldn't. I thought you'd feel some obligation to me, so that you had to come back, when I knew it would be better for you if you just stayed away from me." 

"Why, Abby? We could have made it work. I would have made it work. I never wanted to let you go. Ever." She shrugged, unsure how to answer as she continued to cry quietly. "Did you not realise that Danny would need his father?" 

"Of course I did. I know that now. The first time I set my eyes on him, I knew. But it was too late when I realised. I'd been pretending for months that he was someone else's baby, and you hated me. I couldn't just suddenly turn around and say I'd been lying. And I didn't even know if you would believe me, after all the lies I told you." 

"I already told you Abby, I didn't hate you. I just wish you had let me be there for you, and to be with our son." 

"You know, I tried to tell you so many times," she continued, almost ignoring his words completely. "I can't count the number of times I picked up the phone, and dialled the first few numbers to call you. But I could never do it. Susan told me I had to, for Danny. And I knew she was right, but it was so hard. I want what's best for both of you, John." She looked up at him and smiled sadly. "But what am I meant to do when that's different things? The best thing for him is to know his Dad. But the best thing for you is to be away from me." 

"Can I decide that for myself?" he asked quietly. "The last ten months have been absolute torture for me. Abby, to be with you and have a family with you is all I've wanted for so long. Please, just give me a chance. I love you." 

--- 

_The lounge door opened, and Carter and Abby both looked up to see Susan who had just entered. "Hi," she smiled weakly at them. _

"Is she dead?" Abby asked immediately, shuddering as she said the words. 

"No." Susan shook her head, and Abby and Carter both visibly relaxed. "But she's really sick. She's alive, but on a vent. We don't know how much damage there was while her brain was deprived of oxygen. I don't know if she'll ever come off the vent. I'm sorry." 

"Thank you, Susan," Abby said, getting up and giving her friend a hug. "Whatever happens, thank you so much for saving her." Susan nodded, and Abby could see now that she'd been crying too. 

"Do you want to see her?" Abby's eyes welled up with tears once more. She desperately wanted to be with her daughter, but she didn't know if she could watch her, lying on a gurney, tubes coming out of her. That just wasn't her little Vanessa. 

"Yeah," Carter answered, coming up behind her and wrapping an arm around her waist. She leant into him and sighed sadly. 

"I don't know if I can do this." 

"Sure you can." He placed a kiss on her cheek. "We'll do it together. Nessa needs us." She nodded, and they followed Susan to trauma two. As soon as they entered Abby gasped at the sight before her, and buried her head in Carter's chest. He rubbed her back, trying to comfort her even as more tears were forming in his own eyes. 

"I'm just outside if you need anything," Susan said as she pulled a chair up next to the bed for them, and then left the room. 

"Abby," he whispered to her, gently lifting her head off his chest, and forcing her to look at him. "You have to be strong for her." 

"I'm sick of being strong, John," she cried, holding onto him tightly. "I'm sick of having to cope with all the bad stuff happening to me just when I think I've got my life right." 

"I know," he replied sadly. "Come on, let's go and see our daughter." He slowly led her over to the gurney where Vanessa was lying. 

"She looks so peaceful," Abby whispered, reaching out and gently touching her daughter's hand. "She's so beautiful. I don't want to lose her." 

"We're not going to lose her." Carter sat down on the chair, and gently pulled Abby down to sit on his lap. She leant back against him, allowing him to just hold her. 

"We don't know that, not for sure." 

"No, we don't. But you've seen cases like this before. She's lucky to be alive now. That says to me that she's a fighter." 

"Yeah," she answered, although she didn't sound entirely convinced. She leant forwards and kissed Vanessa's head, before leaning back and burying her head in Carter's chest again as she sobbed. All he could do was rub her back and whisper comforting words to her as she cried uncontrollably. 

Gradually her sobs began to subside as she fell asleep in his arms. He kissed the top of her head gently, tears glistening in his eyes. "I love you. I know you can be strong," he whispered, before looking back to their daughter. She looked so vulnerable and tiny lying in the middle of the gurney. He reached out a hand and brushed it over her soft downy hair. "Hey Nessie. It's Daddy," he whispered, watching her constantly. "I don't know if you can hear me, but you've got to pull through this. I don't know what Mummy and I would do without you, my little butterfly. Please fight for us. We love you so much." 

--- 


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:** Well, here it is. The end...sorry I kept you hanging a bit after the last chapter! lol! I really hope you've all enjoyed reading this (and of course I'd love to know that in a review!) as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I found it really fun to write. :-D I'll upload the next chapter of "Babylon" soon, although I'm not sure how many people are reading that. But anyway, hope you like how I've decided to end it! And thanks for reading. Jo xx 

--- 

_"I'm bored Mummy." _

"Oh yeah? Well, dinner will be ready in just a minute," Abby replied as she tipped the water from the saucepan of potatoes down the sink. 

"Can I watch Aladdin, please?" 

"No sweetie, not when we're about to have dinner." 

"But I want to watch Aladdin!" the four year old protested angrily, stamping her foot. 

"Miriam, I said no, and my answer stands. Don't have a tantrum at me." Miriam rolled her eyes at her mother. "And don't do that either. It's very rude." 

"Sorry." She pulled herself onto a seat at the kitchen table, and sat there quietly, watching her mother carry on with making the dinner. 

"Miri, do you want to put some cutlery on the table for me?" she asked, taking advantage of her daughter's love of helping with anything around the house. 

"Yeah!" She jumped down from the chair excitedly and rushed towards the drawer where she knew the cutlery was kept. 

"Be careful with the knives," Abby warned as Miriam lifted them out of the drawer and carefully put them down on the table. 

"What's that?" Miriam asked suddenly, hearing screams coming from the living room. Abby shrugged in response. "Sounds like Daddy's trying to kill her!" 

"What did you say?" Abby demanded, putting the saucepan down and whirling round to stare angrily at her daughter. 

"I said it sounds like Daddy's trying to kill Nessa." 

"Don't ever let me hear you say something like that again!" she shouted. All she could see in her mind was her baby, lying in the middle of a gurney, vulnerable and alone. 

"It was a joke, Mummy." 

"Go and wash your hands for dinner." Miriam nodded nervously, and ran off to the bathroom. Abby took a moment to compose herself, before going into the living room where she saw John tickling Vanessa, who was screaming hysterically with laughter. 

"Mummy!" Vanessa shouted when she spotted her. "Help me! Daddy won't stop tickling me!" 

"Put her down, John," she ordered, and Vanessa was immediately placed on the floor, still giggling to herself. "Go and wash your hands Nessa. Make sure Miriam is using the soap." Vanessa ran off after where her sister had gone a few minutes earlier. 

"What was that about Abby? We were just playing." 

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "It's just something Miriam said. I'm overreacting." 

"What did she say?" 

"She said it sounded like you were trying to kill Nessa." She took a deep, calming breath. "All I could think of was her lying on that gurney, with all those tubes..." 

"Oh Abby, I didn't even think!" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "Miriam didn't mean any harm, she doesn't know what happened." 

"I know that. It's just so hard. The thought of anything happening to either of them is too much." 

"Yeah, I feel the same. But they're both fine. They're happy, healthy little girls." 

"That's what we thought before what happened when Nessa was a baby though." 

"It still hurts, I know that. I still think about it all the time. But it was six years ago. We have to forget about that, and be grateful for our beautiful daughters who are both absolutely fine." 

"Yeah. Why are you always right?" He laughed. 

"Daddy's intuition," he responded, before leaning down and kissing her. 

"Eww! Look Miriam, Mummy and Daddy are kissing!" 

"Yuck!" They pulled apart to see their daughters standing in the doorway staring at them in disgust. "That's yucky Mummy." 

"No it's not," she responded, reaching up for another quick kiss. 

"Stop it!" both girls cried in unison. 

"Okay, okay! Go and sit down for dinner then. We've got sausages tonight." 

"Sausages!" Vanessa exclaimed, grinning, before running off to the kitchen. Miriam took a moment to smile at her parents, before following her big sister. 

"I love you," John whispered in her ear, and she grinned, allowing him to pull her closer to his body. 

"I love you too." He leant down and began to kiss her. He always knew just the right way to make her feel better. 

"Mummy! Daddy! We're hungry!" a shout came from the kitchen. They both laughed as they pulled apart and made a move to leave the room. 

"So much for a quiet moment together," John remarked. 

"Yeah, well I'm sure we can arrange for them to have to be in bed a little early tonight," Abby replied, winking at him, before raising her voice for Miriam and Vanessa to hear. "We're just coming!" 

--- 

Abby watched as her husband and son kicked a soccer ball around in the park. She couldn't help grinning as she watched them, seeing them chasing after each other, and hearing their laughter. It was so much fun to watch them playing together, laughing. She preferred sitting on this bench, watching, than joining in. It gave her a chance to watch father and son properly. Seeing how they interacted, she couldn't believe it had ever been any other way. 

"Mummy!" Danny shouted, waving at her. She waved back, smiling, and he ran over to her. "Are you having fun Mummy?" 

"Yes, I am thank you." 

"What were you doing?" 

"I was watching you and Daddy playing soccer." 

"Do you want to join in?" he asked, taking her hand and trying to pull her up. 

"Oh I don't think so. Soccer's for Daddy's. 

"Well what are Mummy's for then?" 

"Making you wash your hands!" she teased, winking at him. 

"You make Mummy's sound really boring. You're not boring." 

"Well, I do fun things too, don't I?" He nodded. "And some Mummy's play football. Just not this one." 

"Whatever would I do if I didn't have a Daddy?" he asked, laughing. 

"I have no idea." She pulled him up onto her lap and hugged him. 

"Hey, you're squishing me Mummy!" 

"Sorry." She loosened her arms, and placed a quick kiss on his head. 

"Mum! Kissing's icky." 

"Oh yeah, I forgot." She ruffled his hair playfully, before he jumped off her lap. 

"What were you thinking about while you were watching us play?" 

"What?" 

"Daddy said you looked like you were thinking." 

"Did he really?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Well, I was thinking about when you were a little tiny baby." 

"I was never a little tiny baby. I'm a big boy!" he protested, sticking out his bottom lip in a pretend sulk. 

"You are now. But once upon a time you were a baby. Everyone was a baby once. Even Mummy and Daddy." She got up from the bench and held out a hand to him. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Well, do you want me to play soccer with you or not?" 

"Yay!" He jumped up and down excitedly, before rushing her over to where Carter was stood with the soccer ball. "Daddy, Mummy said she would play with us." 

"Well, that's good." 

"Yeah, but I was wondering something first." 

"Go ahead kiddo." 

"Just now Mummy was thinking about when I was a baby. So I wondered what it was like when I was born." 

"Well, erm..." Carter stuttered, looking to Abby for help. 

"Don't you remember, Daddy? I thought it was meant to be the best day of your life when you got me." 

"Well it was," Abby provided. "But Daddy was a bit scared." 

"Scared? Why?" 

"Because you were such a monster!" she exclaimed, laughing as Carter lifted Danny into his arms and tickled him. When he was put back on the floor, Danny laughed breathlessly. 

"Wouldn't it be so strange if I didn't have a Mummy or I didn't have a Daddy?" he asked. His parents exchanged a look, and Abby looked slightly guilty. 

"It would be very strange, sweetie." 

"I can't imagine what it would be like if I didn't have a Mummy and a Daddy, and if you guys didn't love each other." Carter took the opportunity to kiss Abby, causing their son to screw his face up in disgust. "Eww! I wouldn't mind if you kissed less though." 

"Kissing's nice," Carter protested, earning himself a glare from Danny. 

"It's yucky," he announced as he began to walk away from them. "I'm going to go right to the other end of the field, and then I'll run back at you really really fast, okay?" 

"Sure." As Danny made his way across the field, Carter turned to Abby. "Nice save." 

"Yeah. He seemed satisfied with the answer." 

"He's going to want to know one day," he noted, wrapping an arm around her waist. "He'll wonder why all his early baby photos don't have Daddy in." 

"I know. I wish we didn't have to tell him." 

"Well, we have nothing to hide." He kissed the tip of her nose playfully. "After all, we're in love now, and we were in love then. We were both just a little stupid." 

"I was the stupid one, John." 

"Abby, we've..." 

"Mummy! Daddy!" He was interrupted by Danny shouting at them from the other end of the field. "Are you ready?" 

"Sure thing!" he shouted back, and they turned to watch their son who came charging towards them. 

"Look at me! I'm going so fast! I must be the fastest little boy ever!" Just as he exclaimed this, Danny tripped over his feet and went flying on the floor. Abby could tell by his body language that he was about to cry, and she sighed. 

"I should have known this would end in tears." 

"Never fear, Daddy's here!" Carter winked at her, before running off to Danny. She watched as he picked him up, and began kissing various spots on his arms and knees. After a few moments she could hear Danny's laughter as Carter tickled him. 

"Mummy!" Danny laughed as Carter jogged back over to her with him. "I hurt my elbow and my knee. But Daddy kissed them all better." He smiled proudly. "Did you see how fast I was going?" 

"Yeah, you were very fast. I don't think I've ever seen anyone run that fast." 

"Really?" 

"Really!" 

"Wow!" He reached over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"I thought kisses were yucky?" 

He shrugged. "I love you Mummy." 

"Thank you sweetie. I love you too." 

"And I love you too, Daddy," he added, wrapping his arms around Carter's neck. 

"And I love you." 

"We all love each other," Danny announced, proud with himself for working this out. "Do you know what I think?" 

"What do you think?" 

"I think we must be the best family ever!" 

---The End--- 


End file.
